[henrydavidtherobot]

I have been casually seeing a guy who lives 40 minutes away. Our work schedules clash all of the time and he doesn't have much money. I offered to come up if my car gets out of the shop in time. He has yet to respond. This weekend, I am in a play that he can't make. Plus, it is Valentine's Day and he has to work. I'm pretty bummed.

He has been making it a priority to come down every week. I'm not sure if it will still be a priority since I am not leaving the country as soon as I had planned. I have had a really hard week. I have to stay in my college town (where I am not happy) for two whole extra months. I am also losing my apartment, my kitty, and have to make crucial huge decisions left and right. I just really want to see him. I need something in my everyday life to look forward to. This whole "not much going right at the moment thing" isn't cutting it. I need something worthwhile here.

My friends aren't cutting it. I want romantic attention. Even when I'm with my friends, they often want to drink at parties and I don't. I feel like so many of my other friends who do things that I used to enjoy doing with them have dropped off the planet since they got into relationships. My life here has been one romantic bumble after the next. Why can everyone else do it so easily?

Why can't this ONE thing go right? I was so happy a week ago.

Yup, he just texted. He isn't coming. Great.

[Verity81]

((Hugs)) It sounds like you have so much going on that a relationship might be too much right now?

[henrydavidtherobot]

How so? I feel like I would have less going on if I had something to look forward to/distract me. Does that make sense?

I am sorry you are feeling so unsatisfied........... Sincerely I am.

And I do not mean to make light of your pain. BUT (boy that sounds like me being an ***** already) - but speaking as a guy - I never understood how ladies could have such a problem.

IE. A gal could walk into a bar and yell: I want a boyfriend - and odds are that she would not have to buy a drink all night......

But if a guy said that - he would be met with ridicule laughter and sneering.

Am I wrong? Or am I just STOOOO-PED

[henrydavidtherobot]

Not too sound rude, but why do so many men act like women just need a physical man there and don't care about compatibility or attraction?

I would rather be single my whole life than settle for a man who wasn't smart, sexy, kind, into some of the same things, respectful, and interesting.

you are right HDtR....

Sorry if my comment was completely STUPID.

Sorry.

[henrydavidtherobot]

You're fine. I just really don't understand why men say that lol

[Verity81]

Yes that makes perfect sense but it seems like you feel let down quite a lot by this guy. Not to say he is doing anything on purpose but the wishing things were different and disappointment might be more of a negative distraction?

[Shadow_wolf500]

I've been right there no lie. At least your not as alone as you feel *hugs

[henrydavidtherobot]

verity, can you elaborate?

[bpdtransformation]

Henrydavid,

If you are near a large city, consider trying Meetup.com
It has meetups for all interests - both purely social (e.g. 10-12 people meeting at restaurants) and specific-interest-based (e.g. hiking with a large group).

I met my last two girlfriends on it; my current girlfriend is a great person and we've been together almost a year now. I tried match.com and plentyoffish.com for a couple of years before I did Meetups, with little success. Most times I messaged back and forth on these dating sites for weeks, then finally met the person in real life and realized we were a terrible fit. With Meetups, it's good because you get to meet a lot of people in real life right away. Of course, most of them are not good fits, but a few will be.

You are a pretty woman (if that is you in the picture) and should have no trouble attracting guys. IMO, one just needs to consistently expose oneself to new people as much as possible, if you want to find a partner. Being confident in yourself and genuinely interested in other people is crucial too. I was only really ready for a good relationship after I had been in therapy for my BPD for a while.

[henrydavidtherobot]

Unfortunately, I don't live by a big city. I have actually been on Meetup before. In my community, it is mainly dog people and moms.

Thank you for the advice and the compliment though. The concern is more or less with the caliber of men around me. I have been heavily involved in lots of stuff. I've hit it off with a couple of people just to see them turn into assholes or go with another girl who has less to offer than I do. And there is really no one new to meet here.

I have been in therapy since I was 18 (I'm 23). I am so disappointed right now with my living situation and romantic encounters that I barely leave the house anymore unless it's for work. This is very different from who I used to be. I am chronically bored. I wish that my life wasn't so disappointing so often. I'm sick of waiting for it to change.

[henrydavidtherobot]

I'm not trying to be negative. I just seriously feel like I have nothing to look forward to besides Beijing and that is so far away.

[live2ski66]

I learned how to ski at Cooper Mountain, I learned how to party hard (no drugs) at Copper. I was stupid drunk, stumbling around, carrying on, waking up in strange places (next to a dumpster once). Then one day I decided to move to the Copper Mountain area full time. After three years I finally figured the following: you will never be taken business serious in the place you have a reputation for being the life of the party. So I moved to a different area. During the first couple of months I noticed I was going in the same direction. So I made a conscious effort to not go overboard if I go to the local watering hole. It has helped with my professional persona.

[henrydavidtherobot]

That's where I'm at. And I am stuck, for a while.

[SeekerOfLife]

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

I have been casually seeing a guy who lives 40 minutes away. Our work schedules clash all of the time and he doesn't have much money. I offered to come up if my car gets out of the shop in time. He has yet to respond. This weekend, I am in a play that he can't make. Plus, it is Valentine's Day and he has to work. I'm pretty bummed.

He has been making it a priority to come down every week. I'm not sure if it will still be a priority since I am not leaving the country as soon as I had planned. I have had a really hard week. I have to stay in my college town (where I am not happy) for two whole extra months. I am also losing my apartment, my kitty, and have to make crucial huge decisions left and right. I just really want to see him. I need something in my everyday life to look forward to. This whole "not much going right at the moment thing" isn't cutting it. I need something worthwhile here.

My friends aren't cutting it. I want romantic attention. Even when I'm with my friends, they often want to drink at parties and I don't. I feel like so many of my other friends who do things that I used to enjoy doing with them have dropped off the planet since they got into relationships. My life here has been one romantic bumble after the next. Why can everyone else do it so easily?

Why can't this ONE thing go right? I was so happy a week ago.

Yup, he just texted. He isn't coming. Great.

Perhaps this is not a good time for that kind of relationship. Sounds like you need non romantic people to love on you. Find supportive people--mom, dad, siblings, friends. This might sound a bit odd, but do you know how to love yourself? Has anyone ever shown you what real love looks like? I don't know what kind of relationships are in your life, but you need supportive people to help you. Romance right now might be something you are not ready for.

[henrydavidtherobot]

My parents love me, but aren't really supportive. We are too different. My only sibling is dead. I don't think that I know how to love myself. I'd like to learn.

[SeekerOfLife]

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

My parents love me, but aren't really supportive. We are too different. My only sibling is dead. I don't think that I know how to love myself. I'd like to learn.

I am glad to hear that your parents love you. I hope you can feel that love whenever you need it. Sorry your sibling passed away. I have two sisters and two brothers, but they live in different parts of the country. We are not really close.
I don't mean to sound religious, but Our Heavenly Father loves you and me. Sometimes, when we are depressed it is so hard to feel/to know in our hearts that we are loved.
One thing that has helped me is to keep a journal. I call mine a journal of remembrance. I make an entry after I have a session with my therapist. I also write down any positive things that have happened in my life. I write down things I have learned. I remember the day I journaled that I had been angry at my therapist (that had never happened before ). Personally, I try to limit any negative entries in my journal. I go back to read them. Myself, I would rather forget the "junk".
As far as romance, I have to admit, I would like to have the companionship of a loving man. But, I am too old and ugly.

I've been where you are.
What I can tell you is that every time I reached out for male attention it ended badly.
I only met and began dating a man who I have a healthy interpersonal relationship with because he came along when I least expected/wanted a relationship.
It's ok to do the "friends with bennifits" thing if that's where you are right now, but just be careful.
Hugs.

[henrydavidtherobot]

You're right. It's just hard because I have been single for so long and so many of my friends have relationships, so I barely see them. I do a lot on my own, but it is nice to have someone to share your experiences with instead of going and doing things with your friends that you don't want to do to avoid loneliness.