[misfit77]

Hello everyone,

I just have a few questions that I wondered if you could share your experiences/thoughts on. For those who didn't read my first post (don't blame if you didn't I wrote a bloody novel lol), I have not been diagnosed with BPD yet.

1. Is being worried (to a point you know it's unhealthy) that people you love will die part of the "Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment"? For example, if your loved one is going on a road trip you worry they will get in a car accident and die? Or you worry your dog will get hit by a car?

2. When starting a new relationship I always end up liking the guy, being excited about him, talking to him maybe on the phone, hanging out, all is good and heading in a good direction, then "WHAM!" Something happens (mild) and I want nothing to do with him..then...oh wait...I do...I like him again.
When I started dating my current boyfriend we had a few dates that were great, we talked on the phone for hours. I felt high as a kite. Then he gave me a really expensive birthday present (which I thought was inappropriate because we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend yet) and I totally freaked out. I just wanted him to leave. I stated crying and after he left I remember even closing the blinds on the windows because I was afraid he'd come back. I felt suffocated all of a sudden. I thought that it was because I had been single so long that I just freaked out. I ended up "breaking it off" sort of and told him I needed space. I went away for the weekend and ended up texting him the whole time. I ended up liking him again. I got over my intense feelings of "no way do I like this guy" and fell in love with him. I am wondering if this is part of "splitting"?

Okay that's all for now. Thanks for your help!
Misfit

[ImNotHere]

1. I experience this a lot actually, for example when my sister drives 8 hours to come visit I am constantly worried that something will happen to her on the way here. Or when nothing is happening I still think about this. I fear my family dying all the time/them getting older (being completely alone and how I would not survive/kill myself) and although they are in good health I have a lot of thoughts about this.

2. I think this is similar to splitting. What happens with me is I could think someone is wonderful one minute and then they do something I don't like, even something incredibly small, and then I really dislike/hate them. I start to believe they are just terrible bad people and don't want to be around them anymore. They call it black or white thinking, I do this not just in relationships thought but with a lot of things, like for example I sometimes hate the world, like really hate it and believe there is nothing good about it and no good people, and then sometimes I think the world is this wonderful place, there is no middle ground from me.

Do you have a therapist? Have you spoken to them about BPD?

[Mustkeepjob32]

I worry a lot about my parents. Here I never thought about as the years went buy and now my Dad is 74 and my my Mom is 70. They both won't last forever but I believe I can't live without them. I worry that they they will die before being really truly proud of me.

[beloiseau]

I'm not 'officially' diagnosed BPD, but if I have any say in it, which I think I should, I think I have it. Anyway, I often feel the same way you do. I am so afraid of my family, my friends, my cat dying and leaving me. I just realized what they said originally was an adjustment disorder when I started full time work out of college was really my fear that my family would be doing things without me, that we were separating as I was growing up. I also go back and forth on people a lot when I first meet them.

[technigal]

1. I hate when my husband goes to work. I am scared he will have an accident or something bad will happen.

2. Not so much, especially now that I am married but I think I was like that before. I do tend to split other people "all good" or "all bad".

[misfit77]

Thanks for your replies :-)

I just wish I knew what kind of behaviour is "normal" and what isn't. I have ADHD and when I talk to people about the symptoms so many say " I am like that" and "I do that". But I don't think they get the severity of the symptoms....yeah ok you get distracted...that doesn't mean you have ADHD. So I am just questioning now so much of my behaviour...is it "normal" or is it borderline?

[shezbut]

Hi Misfit,

#1.) Not for me, no. My "Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment" are more of a paranoia of my bf going over to see his friends without me. I become a cross between terrified and enraged. Not pretty at all.

#2.) I am either in the love or hate phase with my bf most all of the time. Either, I just want to be with him or he bugs the hell out of me 9/10 times. Such fun!

Recently, most of the time I'm convinced that we're screwed & it's over. However, there is a small percentage of the time that makes me dig my heels into the sand (so to speak) and hold onto the possibility that it IS love. I'm a moron!

[littlemiss44]

I know exactly how you feel! I am constantly worried something bad will happen to my loved ones. I hate it when people try and say they understand what I go thru when they don't have my diagnosis. I have in insurmountable unrealistic fears that are very real to me. I can relate to you very much. I wish I could stop thinking in black and white but I don't know how else to think. I even fear my parents dying and they were/are very abusive to me. Then I think that when they die I will truely have peace of mind knowing they can't hurt me anymore. I hope I've helped you. You are not alone in yr thoughts about yr life. These feelings are very real. Hugs and prayers to you.

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[Espresso]

1. I definitely experience this. I woke up one night and my husband wasn't home from visiting a friend yet, and I completely freaked out. I worry all the time about him and my daughter.