[ginaaa22]

Ughh let me just say that I feel like life is too much of a struggle and I don't want to deal with anything anymore. I have alot of health issues including bpd. I got scratched by a cat on my fingers and hand and got cellulitits was admitted to the hospital 2 weeks ago. I was on large doses of antibiotics and now I have drug induced pancreatitis from all the antibiotics. I'm in pain management for multiple chronic pain conditions so they wont give me anymore pain meds to aleviate my current pain because they want my pain management dr to do it. I'm so sick of the medical community. It took 4 er visits to get a dx of acute pancreatitis...which I knew from the begining. I have been so sick...vomititng, nauseated, not eating and just feeling like complete ****. I stopped taking all my meds including welbutrin, lamictol, geodon and xanax. I have been crying alot more than normal and I am seriously ready to do something stupid because I'm so sick of dealing with this crap. On top of feeling like crap I can't miss work because my fiance is disabled and I make most of our money. I don't have any sick time of vacation time and if I don't work then we cant pay our bills. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm scared to tell my pdoc that I stopped taking my meds...not really because I'm trying to be noncompliant its just every time I try and take pills I throw them up and it makes me feel even worse. I just started going to counseling and I have to miss my apt this week because I'm getting a ct scan done for my pancreatitis. I don't know what to do anymore...I'm only 23 and I have all these problems now and I'm really scared to think about whats going to happen later on in my life. Thank god I havent gotten into a huge fight with anyone or flown off the deep end for no reason.

[Verity81]

(((Hugz))) I'm sorry you are going thru such a rough time with your health and on top of it trying to hold down a job. I would feel the same and don't blame you for not wanting to deal with it anymore. I take it you are in the us? I'm in the uk so not sure of what social security you could get for you and your partner? Sounds like you do need a rest. When does your vacation time renew? Could you ask work to let you have some in advance on compassionate grounds? Don't be afraid to tell your p'doc about throwing up the meds, it's not your fault and I hope they can empathise. They're maybe a way to take meds such as in liquid or injection form? It's worth exploring. Rebook your therapy appt as soon as you can. I hope and pray you get well soon. X

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[ginaaa22]

yeah im in the us. my fiance gets va disability and I would have to not work for probably about a year and fight the up hill battle of getting my ssd case approved. I dont get vacation time where I work now at all. So if I dont work I dont get paid.