Okay, I really need some insight. I believe I may very well be bpd. I had researched it before and thought as I researched that I fit it then but it freaked me out after doing so so I tried to just let it go and chalked it up to me being exaggerated and dramatic as usual and told myself to not self diagnose. After my T talked about someone with bpd in session the other day to make a point on something and asking her about bpd I decided to research it again since it had been nagging me and playing out in my brain for a while. I am bulimic (for a little over a decade now) and an alcoholic and have used pills before..I also have PTSD. My emotions are felt to the extreme and I have always been called sensitive and over dramatic and moody. I suck at planning and do things impulsively a lot. I have engaged in other risky behavior like impulsive sexual relations. I go through on going thoughts of suicide and that seems to always be an option for me to just get out and stop dorwning in the pain and lonlieness. Self harm through my bulimia and isolating and blowing up is how I regulate myself and protect myself. I have quit seeing my T before out of fear of failing and thinking this is how I am suppose to be..how I deserve to be. I figured and knew she would be better off not having to deal with me and knew she would eventually terminate with me out of frustration just like I know my family and everyone else is better off without me. I take everything she and others say at first wrong..and obsess over little statements and questions. I ended up going back to T after a month and I had started drinking again between that time..I'm in AA now and 60 days sober. I still binge and purge though..that has a strong hold on me..that has always been there for me. I'm not saying that all of this adds up to me being bpd..but with the abandonment/rejection problems and knowing no one really truly cares and is not going to stay and isolating myself so easily and coming to realizing that I have so easily pushed people right out of my life. Idk...I'm just trying to make sense of all these emotions that I constantly feel and go between feeling and then if I'm not feeling anything to the extreme I'm just empty. Idk what I'm looking for..I want to be wrong and know that I'm just exaggerating as usual. I mean my T would have caught on if I am bpd by now I would think..I have been seeing her once a week for over 7 months now. Wouldn't she have caught on?? I just don't know what to do from here and how to find out for sure. After coming on psych central forum...which I have used before..and visiting the bpd forum for the first time and reading other people's post I can truly relate to yall. That scares the **** out of me but I need to know for sure.

[kaliope]

if you are really curious about it, why not have a serious conversation with t about it? it is difficult to self diagnose. especially since ptsd and bpd share so many of the same symptoms and bpd is often misdiagnosed when it is actually ptsd. take care.

[Aventurine]

Originally Posted by kneehole

.I want to be wrong and know that I'm just exaggerating as usual. I mean my T would have caught on if I am bpd by now I would think..I have been seeing her once a week for over 7 months now. Wouldn't she have caught on?? I just don't know what to do from here and how to find out for sure. After coming on psych central forum...which I have used before..and visiting the bpd forum for the first time and reading other people's post I can truly relate to yall. That scares the **** out of me but I need to know for sure.

Not necessarily... Your T may think you show signs of BPD but on top of all the other things she may not want to burden you with additional diagnosis..there is a bit of stigma around BPD among health professionals so she might want to be just cautious.. I don't know... My T suggested I listen to a radio broadcast here in Australia about personality disorders, and that was at my first ever session with her.. So I think she is indirectly pointing at it as I havnt been officially diagnosed yet.. If that makes sense.

As another poster said.. it could be difficult with the PTSD too.. By all means have a chat to your T.. but if you feel you can really relate to what a lot of us post on the BPD forum.. Then you don't worry too much about a diagnosis.. sometimes it just helps to relate..

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by kneehole

Okay, I really need some insight. I believe I may very well be bpd. I had researched it before and thought as I researched that I fit it then but it freaked me out after doing so so I tried to just let it go and chalked it up to me being exaggerated and dramatic as usual and told myself to not self diagnose. After my T talked about someone with bpd in session the other day to make a point on something and asking her about bpd I decided to research it again since it had been nagging me and playing out in my brain for a while. I am bulimic (for a little over a decade now) and an alcoholic and have used pills before..I also have PTSD. My emotions are felt to the extreme and I have always been called sensitive and over dramatic and moody. I suck at planning and do things impulsively a lot. I have engaged in other risky behavior like impulsive sexual relations. I go through on going thoughts of suicide and that seems to always be an option for me to just get out and stop dorwning in the pain and lonlieness. Self harm through my bulimia and isolating and blowing up is how I regulate myself and protect myself. I have quit seeing my T before out of fear of failing and thinking this is how I am suppose to be..how I deserve to be. I figured and knew she would be better off not having to deal with me and knew she would eventually terminate with me out of frustration just like I know my family and everyone else is better off without me. I take everything she and others say at first wrong..and obsess over little statements and questions. I ended up going back to T after a month and I had started drinking again between that time..I'm in AA now and 60 days sober. I still binge and purge though..that has a strong hold on me..that has always been there for me. I'm not saying that all of this adds up to me being bpd..but with the abandonment/rejection problems and knowing no one really truly cares and is not going to stay and isolating myself so easily and coming to realizing that I have so easily pushed people right out of my life. Idk...I'm just trying to make sense of all these emotions that I constantly feel and go between feeling and then if I'm not feeling anything to the extreme I'm just empty. Idk what I'm looking for..I want to be wrong and know that I'm just exaggerating as usual. I mean my T would have caught on if I am bpd by now I would think..I have been seeing her once a week for over 7 months now. Wouldn't she have caught on?? I just don't know what to do from here and how to find out for sure. After coming on psych central forum...which I have used before..and visiting the bpd forum for the first time and reading other people's post I can truly relate to yall. That scares the **** out of me but I need to know for sure.

no one knows you better than you, if you think you're BPD, you probably are.
still it's probably best to get a professional diagnosis to know for sure. it sounds like you have the traits. you really should talk to your t about this though, either way whatever the outcome, you are going to feel better knowing for sure what's going on, hope this helps!