As someone whose BPD is caused in large part due to parents who failed as parents I find myself rather hostile towards the parents of other BPDs.

To give some example, I read the abuse thrown towards BPDs by people who have been in a relationship with one and while initially I am upset by this person's inference that I am a terrible person I can usually rationalize it away by reminding myself that they were clearly hurt by someone in their lives and that they are not referring to me. They have never met me and their sweeping statements are nothing more than knee jerk reactions to a painful situation.

Now when I see someone write something about the difficulties of being the parent of a borderline my immediate response is to want to ask them what they did to their kid and tell them to suck it up because they have no one to blame but themselves.

Rationally I know that BPD is not necessarily the fault of a parent or even really of anyone in at all but I find it exceedingly difficult to restrain these feelings.

Anyone else?

[littlemiss44]

I first think that bpd can affect someone with good parents. But on the other hand I believe that bpd can be caused by poor parenting. I was very emotionally abused by both my parents growing up. I've been told that my brain chemistry did not develop properly due to the abuse as the abuse started at the beginning of my life. My parents anger and physical abuse of my brother created part of my ptsd because I witnessed it. I was not held much as a baby. I had zero love from my parents and I truly mean zero. Not exaggerating. I was constantly put down. Yelled at and told how bad i was even tho u wasn't. I lived in fear daily. I was in fight or flight my whole childhood. Given all that is how I've developed bpd. I have a warped view of myself. I'm constantly bored and lonely. I react with anxiety and irrational thinking. I think everyone is against me. I feel like the world is a very scarey place. Very low self esteem and constantly people are out to get me. These are just a few of my symptoms of my bpd. I know I wouldn't be borderline if I didn't grow up in a non loving abusive household. I was also sexually abused by my brother and when I told my parents they got mad at me and told me it was a lie. Now given all this I know why I have bpd. I was shown a twisted way of life. So that's my two cents of how I firmly believe abusive parenting can cause bpd in a.person. it's a chemical imbalance from the environment.

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[waiting4]

Originally Posted by BeteNoire

As someone whose BPD is caused in large part due to parents who failed as parents I find myself rather hostile towards the parents of other BPDs.

To give some example, I read the abuse thrown towards BPDs by people who have been in a relationship with one and while initially I am upset by this person's inference that I am a terrible person I can usually rationalize it away by reminding myself that they were clearly hurt by someone in their lives and that they are not referring to me. They have never met me and their sweeping statements are nothing more than knee jerk reactions to a painful situation.

Now when I see someone write something about the difficulties of being the parent of a borderline my immediate response is to want to ask them what they did to their kid and tell them to suck it up because they have no one to blame but themselves.

Rationally I know that BPD is not necessarily the fault of a parent or even really of anyone in at all but I find it exceedingly difficult to restrain these feelings.

Anyone else?

Yeah...me. My mother was NPD and I directly credit her for grooming me to be what I am ... BPD. My life is an ongoing emotional rollercoaster that she built and even tho I left home for good at 18 (to get married to my first mistake) I still suffer the affects daily, with nearly every interaction I have with people. My father was absent most of the time, and honestly I think afraid of her...when she left him and took my brother and myself to Georgia to live, I saw him only once more...for a weekend. I was 11 years old.

So, yeah, that's MY knee jerk question...but I have the same question for parents of NPD's as well. I'm sure not all of them are 'guilty'.....but looking back at some of the NPD's I've known....most of their parents were horribly abusive. My mothers mother was a 4'10" hypochondrial, histrionic monster.

Nuff said. (sigh)

I think for me much of it is a transference of sort.

I keep telling myself that they couldn't help it. It wasn't their fault. They didn't ask for their problems like I didn't ask for BPD.

But there is still a lot of resentment.

Or maybe it's about empathy. I've had my heart broken so I can empathize with those people but having never been a parent I don't know the difficulties of raising a child and therefore am less able to empathize.

But I may never be 'normal' because of them. Surely, I'm allowed to be angry about that?

[shezbut]

It's hard for me not to lay a significant amount of blame on my parents for a lot of my problems growing up (I won't go into them). I have BPD, my sister has anti-social PD, and my brother has NPD. We all had different experiences ~ but our parents weren't there for us.

My mom also has strong narcissistic ways herself. My dad just followed mom on whatever she decided. The rest of our family was very dysfunctional & damaging though. Bad situation. Wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people!

[JadeAmethyst]

Something about this post speaks to me, but i amnot ableto articulate it yet. Please bear with me, i hope to bring some input later maybe?

Maybe it is a tap on the shoulder at the moment.....

thanks
Jade