[Always_Hungry]

Been very triggered lately and I don't know who to go to anymore. I don't trust anyone anymore. I only trust one friend and he's been "distant" with me for whatever reason(s) real or imagined and I'm not taking it well.

Suicide has been on my mind a lot.

I just saw my pdoc and my meds have been upped. I'm also in chronic physical pain almost all the time and I've ballooned to 300 lbs due to my binge eating.

I guess this forum really isn't the place to talk about this. Seems no place is. Seems no one can handle my load of issues, except yet another hospital.

[SkyWhite]

Originally Posted by Always_Hungry

Been very triggered lately and I don't know who to go to anymore. I don't trust anyone anymore. I only trust one friend and he's been "distant" with me for whatever reason(s) real or imagined and I'm not taking it well.

Suicide has been on my mind a lot.

I just saw my pdoc and my meds have been upped. I'm also in chronic physical pain almost all the time and I've ballooned to 300 lbs due to my binge eating.

I guess this forum really isn't the place to talk about this. Seems no place is. Seems no one can handle my load of issues, except yet another hospital.

A month ago I was where you are now. If suicide is on your mind I urge you to call a crisis line in you're area. I've had to do that a number of times and it really helps. I hit 220 before I finally got a handle on my binging and I'm only 5 ft. tall.

I know it's very hard to trust anyone when you feel so bad and it sounds like you're feeling a little abandoned by your friend. Maybe the upped meds will help but also try not to be so hard on yourself.

Your concerns are exactly what this forum is for.

[Always_Hungry]

Originally Posted by SkyWhite

A month ago I was where you are now. If suicide is on your mind I urge you to call a crisis line in you're area. I've had to do that a number of times and it really helps. I hit 220 before I finally got a handle on my binging and I'm only 5 ft. tall.

I know it's very hard to trust anyone when you feel so bad and it sounds like you're feeling a little abandoned by your friend. Maybe the upped meds will help but also try not to be so hard on yourself.

Your concerns are exactly what this forum is for.

I'm afraid to call a suicide hotline because because the last time I called one, they called the authorities on me and that freaked the hell out of me. I got so much going on with work and finances that another inpatient hospital stay will stress me out even more. I'm just so ready to give up.

[SkyWhite]

Originally Posted by Always_Hungry

I'm afraid to call a suicide hotline because because the last time I called one, they called the authorities on me and that freaked the hell out of me. I got so much going on with work and finances that another inpatient hospital stay will stress me out even more. I'm just so ready to give up.

Wow. They can do that? Did they call the police or what? That would freak me out too. Don't give up. Talk to your T if you have one or your psychiatrist. Send them an email, anything to connect with some help. I understand work and finances is an issue, but your health is more important.

[waggiedog]

Hi there. I DO understand entirely as my BPD (Borderline personality Disorder) is the cause of my sometimes dangerous binge or starve habits. I've also been bulimic, so I know a lot about ED's, I'm caught in the whirlwind of ED's grip and I have been for 30 long years. I too rarely trust anyone, I isolate a lot due to suicidal depressions. I've also phoned crises lines many times but never had a problem. I too have been hospitalised a number of times because of my mental health issues. I also go from one trigger to another, always trying to get away from the last one, yet more appear!! Even watching TV where people are eating sends me right off course. I have often gone to bed and gone back down because I know there's sweet gooey stuff in the fridge and I have the lot. I never like eating infront of others, even if I have a salad, I must be alone or I imagine people are looking at me and say ''fat hog'', even though I'm considered to be a ''normal'' size for my 4' 11" frame. Since being prescribed mood stabilisers, namely Seroquel I've gained about one and a half stones, that's about 26llbs, the biggest I've been for years. Even starving does not work, I've tried everything I know. Having been in~patient for anorexia, I KNOW who to shed the weight. I agree with our friend who told you that you are in the RIGHT place, you will find others who will share your exact same issues. HUGS.

[Always_Hungry]

Originally Posted by SkyWhite

Wow. They can do that? Did they call the police or what? That would freak me out too. Don't give up. Talk to your T if you have one or your psychiatrist. Send them an email, anything to connect with some help. I understand work and finances is an issue, but your health is more important.

They have done that. Twice. I don't trust them, so I really have no one I can trust to express my suicidal thoughts.

I've already taken ten (10) 1mg Klonopins so far today (not all at one). Three earlier, three before, and four just now. I don't care. I'm alone, I can't trust anyone, people can't seem to handle my load of mental and emotional issues (including psychiatrists), and I have no where else to go to trust with yet ANOTHER hospitalization. Been there, done that.

I might just continue taking more Klonopins until I pass out.

[Always_Hungry]

Originally Posted by waggiedog

Hi there. I DO understand entirely as my BPD (Borderline personality Disorder) is the cause of my sometimes dangerous binge or starve habits. I've also been bulimic, so I know a lot about ED's, I'm caught in the whirlwind of ED's grip and I have been for 30 long years. I too rarely trust anyone, I isolate a lot due to suicidal depressions. I've also phoned crises lines many times but never had a problem. I too have been hospitalised a number of times because of my mental health issues. I also go from one trigger to another, always trying to get away from the last one, yet more appear!! Even watching TV where people are eating sends me right off course. I have often gone to bed and gone back down because I know there's sweet gooey stuff in the fridge and I have the lot. I never like eating infront of others, even if I have a salad, I must be alone or I imagine people are looking at me and say ''fat hog'', even though I'm considered to be a ''normal'' size for my 4' 11" frame. Since being prescribed mood stabilisers, namely Seroquel I've gained about one and a half stones, that's about 26llbs, the biggest I've been for years. Even starving does not work, I've tried everything I know. Having been in~patient for anorexia, I KNOW who to shed the weight. I agree with our friend who told you that you are in the RIGHT place, you will find others who will share your exact same issues. HUGS.

I tried purging a few times. Difficult for me. I was successful maybe a few times. So the food I binge stays inside me and I gain enormous amounts of weight. Eating's about one of the few things that brings me temporary joy.