I push people away all the time and have always had a problem telling them how I feel even when I care about them, I have lost so many people because of the way I am, I never feel liked by anyone, I think people are out to hurt me. I know this is common in BPD.

Does anyone else do this?

[Fuzzybear]

hugs to you

[Hong Kong Fluey]

Hi Krazy,

Me too, i'm afraid. I have BP2 and BPD and I am just rubbish with all sorts of relationships. I have pushed away so many people over the years. I have no friends, I have never had a relationship longer than 8 years yet I am so lonely?

I think people are trying to hurt me all of the time and it makes me very paranoid.

I am going to die alone

[Justagirl2602]

Hi,

I have that too. I feel like people don't have good intentions so I keep them away to avoid getting hurt. Mostly people go away and that makes me feel lonely.

But there are going to be people that see the real you and will stick by your side. They will want to stay with you even though you will 'test' them numerous times. It just may take some time.

If you ever want to talk (without getting judged), I'm here.

Good luck!

[atomicc]

I am the exact opposite, well maybe not exact. I feel like no one likes me and I always am paranoid they're against me but instead of pushing them away I cling on to them and do all this crazy **** to get them to like me. Like I spend all my money making people who are hardly friends happy just to get them to like me.
I'm sorry you struggle with this.

[Tristan H.]

Originally Posted by Hong Kong Fluey

Hi Krazy,

I am going to die alone

If it's any consolation we are all going to die alone, so in that respect friends and family are over-rated.

[shezbut]

I do a horrible combination: everything I can think of to gather the interest and devotion of a guy and then I can't trust him, so I'm on a teeter-totter ride the rest of the way...until I can't take it anymore & then I have to leave. Freaking stupid! It's a horrible pattern and a big mess in my wake.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Krazy Cat

I push people away all the time and have always had a problem telling them how I feel even when I care about them, I have lost so many people because of the way I am, I never feel liked by anyone, I think people are out to hurt me. I know this is common in BPD.

Does anyone else do this?

hee hee, i do it all the time, probably one of my worst traits/symptoms/shortcomings..
i've been in 8 relationships, in every one i broke it off,pushed away in some form or another

"you were being too mean to me" push away,escape
"you don't give me enough affection" push away,escape
"you don't spend enough time with me" push away ,escape
"you're not here for me,you don't love me anymore,etc etc etc

up until about a week ago, i didn't know why i did this.
i don't understand why i push away, when i hate to be alone so badly
when i want to be loved so desperately. i had no idea what was wrong with me...now i know, i have a clue & can start working to fix it

but to answer your question..ABSOLUTELY!! i hate it, i hope i can stop it

[porcelain_pain]

Originally Posted by Krazy Cat

I push people away all the time and have always had a problem telling them how I feel even when I care about them, I have lost so many people because of the way I am, I never feel liked by anyone, I think people are out to hurt me. I know this is common in BPD.

Does anyone else do this?

Yeah, I do. I tend to divide people up into categories, where some people are wayyy too good for me and the rest are losers. I have a lot of trouble finding people who I can see as equals. If I think someone is too good for me, I feel really intimidated by them and I assume they don't like me, or I will assume that they are connecting with me out of pity/because they feel bad for me. And the rest, I assume are not cool/smart/cultured/politically radical enough for me. I know that both are defense mechanisms against feeling rejected, hurt, or confused about my identity. I do have a few close friends because we are so alike and they have pushed and pushed to stay in my life even when I've been a total flake. But mostly, I fail to develop meaningful friendships because of my BPD.

[skyxblue]

My relationships are always a mess. Right from the start I will share way yoo much and be clingy. Then something changes. Everything they do irritates me. It goes back and forth like that. Then finally I will break it off before they can hurt me. After awhile I start to miss them. Its such a cycle.

Its always been hard to trust. I think people who are with me are playing me, talking about me to others, and only with me because they don't know how to break up with me. I get very paranoid and can't stop the thoughts. It's vey hard.

Didn't realize so many of us did this, Sorry that you all do this too.

[JadeAmethyst]

Yes, seems a common trait. Too much information, or not enough information, or get the H out of my way, and to H with it all!!! lol or not LOL, depends who's there or not. How messed up it all is inside this illness (es).
Always scanning for the boogey men and women....ahhhhh the inner landscaping, must do some inner weed whacking today.

Jade

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by JadeAmethyst

Yes, seems a common trait. Too much information, or not enough information, or get the H out of my way, and to H with it all!!! lol or not LOL, depends who's there or not. How messed up it all is inside this illness (es).
Always scanning for the boogey men and women....ahhhhh the inner landscaping, must do some inner weed whacking today.

Jade

that's so funny, that's like me to the core i'm always thinking someone's out to get me in one way or another, i won't take checks from people because i'm afraid they'll bounce them on me and all kinds of other weird stuff, it's hard to trust anyone for me

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by skyxblue

My relationships are always a mess. Right from the start I will share way yoo much and be clingy. Then something changes. Everything they do irritates me. It goes back and forth like that. Then finally I will break it off before they can hurt me. After awhile I start to miss them. Its such a cycle.

Its always been hard to trust. I think people who are with me are playing me, talking about me to others, and only with me because they don't know how to break up with me. I get very paranoid and can't stop the thoughts. It's vey hard.

OMG! that is sooooo me, hee hee. after i start to miss them i beg them to came back after i ran 'em off, crazy isn't it? wish i could stop this maddness, i have to
or i'm gonna be alone forever

[aqd6462]

Originally Posted by Krazy Cat

I push people away all the time and have always had a problem telling them how I feel even when I care about them, I have lost so many people because of the way I am, I never feel liked by anyone, I think people are out to hurt me. I know this is common in BPD.

Does anyone else do this?

The curious thing about the distancing is that the BPD refuses to see, let alone acknowledge, it. "Who, me? Never!" That's when it becomes gaslighting. It's very hard to be in a relationship with someone like that.

[pleaseilluminateme]

I lost literally all of my friends last year, all because I pushed them away. I used to have a lot of close friends, but the same thing happens with every one of them. They get too close, and I convince myself they don't care about me, so I freak out and push them away. My last best friend finally kicked me out of our apartment because I refused to communicate with her when she was pushing me to go to a therapist or talk to her about my problems. Now, I live alone with my cat, and I only have one friend outside of work, and the only reason that friendship is still intact is because we don't spend that much time together, so they don't know the "real" me.

[Harmacy]

Originally Posted by aqd6462

The curious thing about the distancing is that the BPD refuses to see, let alone acknowledge, it. "Who, me? Never!" That's when it becomes gaslighting. It's very hard to be in a relationship with someone like that.

I think you may be misunderstanding BPD. Gaslighting is a tactic used by sufferers of narcissistic or antisocial personality disorders.

Because of our extreme emotional vulnerability, people with BPD are far more likely to be the victims of things like gaslighting than the perpetrators. I know I have been in the past. And I know I would never put somebody through the pain of deliberately emotionally destabilizing them like that.

Getting back to the OP, I distance myself from others a lot. It's got to the point where I'll now start to distance myself from people I really like early in a relationship to avoid the pain of reaching a splitting point.

It's usually only people who go out of their way to make an effort with me and convince me that they like me who I'll end up being long term friends with and even then, I find it hard to fully trust them and often my lack of commitment will turn them away. I've also ended up staying in toxic friendships for far too long which most people would have run a mile from.

The process of forming good, functional and enjoyable friendships seems so easy for others but something I've struggled with all my life. I've only got a few friends now and no long term friends I'd class as soul mates. it makes life lonely and insecure and I hate being this way.

[moodycow]

hi , i have pushed people away for over 35 years , but having only just been diagnosed with bpd have an imense sense of relief that there are others who do this and there is a reason why

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by aqd6462

The curious thing about the distancing is that the BPD refuses to see, let alone acknowledge, it. "Who, me? Never!" That's when it becomes gaslighting. It's very hard to be in a relationship with someone like that.

i think you may be wrong there , i have to respectfully disagree.
more than anything i take the blame for things even when its not my fault
in a desperate attempt to stay in my relationships.

don't get me wrong i'm far from a saint, but i have never gone out of my way to hurt anyone & never will, i may act out to get attention/to get my way (which i'm only wanting affection and attention) but never out and out manipulation
for financial gain or to "play' with someone's feelings. my mood swings & moves from idealization to devaluation to the UNTRAINED eye may appear as if i am playing with ones feelings but i assure you the feelings i express are quite real.

[moodycow]

tryingtosurvive i can 100% identify with this