[JadeAmethyst]

Big confession time here....this really is so basic.
I had a chat with an acquaintance today about sarcasm, snarky comments and the like. I do hate it with a passion, and yet can admit I am guilty of this habit. I don't like it done by others and like it less when I am reactive.

Passive-aggressive and negative feels like sludge in my veins, and far too much regret, self pity, and general malaise.

I really want to be a functional person, and let the rage go, and live.....

My conversation was probably the first time I addressed the specifics of a behavior that seems to re-occur between us. It's a start, and she is also working on the same issues also.

I hope we don't blow each other up!

[gayleggg]

Sounds like you and your acquaintance are doing great job of discussing some important issues. I think you two could certainly help each other with this. There may be other things you can help each other with. Good luck to you.

[nicoleflynn]

I believe The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans should be required reading for everyone on the planet. It saved my life. Verbal abuse is rampant in our culture and so pervasive, people ignore it. It s "soul murder."

[Kimaya]

Yea, its good to have a thick shell to those kinds of remarks... but then its sad that we get so much practice at it. Our society sees strength in being able to cut someone down, sadly. Stick up for yourself, don't let people walk over you, etc become twisted into parodies of self-esteem victories.

When I feel the need to cut someone down verbally or one up someone with a sarcastic comment I try to remind myself that it is a far better achievement to overcome the urge. Easier said than done, though! Especially for those of us blessed/cursed to feel emotions at the level we do. No one hates as sharply as a borderline.

Good luck on working it out with your partner/friend. First steps are not easy, but it sounds like yours was made with positive results since nothing bad has come of it.

[shezbut]

I think that getting out of that popular mindset, to hurt others in hopes of boosting our egos, is a tough but important task.

For example, my ex-boyfriend has said a lot of hurtful things to me (and about me) in his pain & anger. I take a deep breath (or two) and fight the impulse to shoot back at him. Then I don't say a word nor do I give dirty looks. I merely let it go. And it's over. I then notice feeling a little bit better about myself, for not going with my urge to hurt him. Fighting that impulse has really paid off for me!

I highly recommend that we all fight the impulse/urges to put others down....it does become easier as you fight it more & more. Kudos to you, JadeAmethyst ~ I hope that you and your friend are able to work things out & become better friends in the process.