[Britneigh]

I'm crashing hard and I feel so alone. I have nobody else to talk to because the only person in my life is my boss and I'm terrified if I say too much she will fire me and I will have no where else to go. I can't function anymore without any sort of self doubt. I never feel like I'm doing enough. I feel so broken and bruised. Nobody cares and nobody wants me which is brutal. I promised my boss I would't drink anymore after I drank 19 beers and ended up in the loft of the barn covered in cuts and urine. It was a low but I'm still sinking. I can't go a day without drinking because I need that distraction from my mind. My boss hired a second person and I know its because I need the help and can't work every day of the week but I feel like shes going to replace me...my boss swears up and down that she isn't but I don't believe her. The barn looks way better with this girl doing it than when I do it...I feel like such carp. I can't get into therapy nor do I want to go since my last therapist diagonsed and then ditched me and before that I was told I was unfixable so why should I waste my time. I just feel so low and theres really no point to this post other than me being a pathetic whiney loser. I'm sorry guys.

I should be happier...things aren't bad in my life...I'm getting a new horse, I do have a great job and my boss keeps reassuring me that I'm okay and fine and I k now she will get sick o that eventually so I try to be okay....but I feel terrible. Theres no rhyme or reason to it but I do.

[glok]

Hello, Britneigh. Is professional help an option?

[perseverance11]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

I'm crashing hard and I feel so alone. I have nobody else to talk to because the only person in my life is my boss and I'm terrified if I say too much she will fire me and I will have no where else to go. I can't function anymore without any sort of self doubt. I never feel like I'm doing enough. I feel so broken and bruised. Nobody cares and nobody wants me which is brutal. I promised my boss I would't drink anymore after I drank 19 beers and ended up in the loft of the barn covered in cuts and urine. It was a low but I'm still sinking. I can't go a day without drinking because I need that distraction from my mind. My boss hired a second person and I know its because I need the help and can't work every day of the week but I feel like shes going to replace me...my boss swears up and down that she isn't but I don't believe her. The barn looks way better with this girl doing it than when I do it...I feel like such carp. I can't get into therapy nor do I want to go since my last therapist diagonsed and then ditched me and before that I was told I was unfixable so why should I waste my time. I just feel so low and theres really no point to this post other than me being a pathetic whiney loser. I'm sorry guys.

I should be happier...things aren't bad in my life...I'm getting a new horse, I do have a great job and my boss keeps reassuring me that I'm okay and fine and I k now she will get sick o that eventually so I try to be okay....but I feel terrible. Theres no rhyme or reason to it but I do.

Hello,

You should seek for professional help like Glok said.

perseverance11

[Kimaya]

Hey Brit,

I know you have been going through some rough times for a while now (since I came to the forum and probably longer).

I sort of know what you are going through with your boss. I had a boss who knew what my world was like and she was supportive of it. I always thought eventually she would be sick of making excuses to her supervisors regarding me, sick of the impact to the department my absences made... she was the one who helped me get help actually. And she stuck with me. She knew everything about me too.

Maybe give your boss some faith. It feels good to have someone to trust. And you are still around, right? I know you don't want to seek therapy because you had a bad experience. Yeah they suck and we tend to categorize things into one or the other type of experience: good or bad. But anyone here who is in therapy can tell you that it takes a while to find the right treatment, or right therapy. You have to keep trying.

If nothing else it will make you feel better to be able to look your boss in the eye and think: I am trying.

Do it for yourself.