okay, so if i'm not gonna do my website work, i'll do my work with those who relate.

hi fellas. another day started happy but it's gonna take days for my downloads to finish and i'm all alone again - well, internet-wise; i have no more friends in my hometown. perhaps they think i've alienated them, i myself feel just right posting my hand flippin' a bird on my facebook profile photo and writing there that the reason i write 99% of the time in english is because i don't have friends in my town and country. which is true. yet i know i'm still trying to reach out for them that way, as i can recognize it. i haven't even blocked em yet - just turned off the cht for all of em and unfollowed em all.my life story viewed ina positive way is the bad didn't really is known around here, save for perhaps the few who've seen my intro post, where i tell about how i lost my oice which was my last instrument that nealy got my arm, amputated.nt since my right hand can't function properly to play my alto or my bass due to chronic pain and it being handicapped - bad junk shot.

i was waiting for this dropoff. i'm tired yet agitated and as my icon says, TENSE. a bit of self control - i just HAD to take my last emergency 18mg concerta and take two 10 mg valiums, hopoe i get better. i'm yawning all the time, mthroat is dry and today's definitely gonna be a five pack affair to me at least.I wanna sleep yet i don't want to at the sme time. too tense. need to listen toi a record and stop typing. more on that later,

so now i'm hyper, took another 18mg concerta and two valiums again. i need to come to to terms with what i had just done - blocked all my brazilian friends except for a couple that i give the benefit of the doubt. the reason? well, i typed earlier in facebook that the only reason i don't type there in portuguese 99% of the time is because i don't have friends in my homeland. EXACTLY one of the 'cream of the crop' answered ''go **** yourself then, lol''. that was it. it confirmed my doubts. so i did major purging there and now am listening to different editions of an ac/dc album i like a lot - powerage. it feels sad and happy at the same time. i slept all day long after the last post here, and i'm coming to terms that given the story of my life, i'venever had really true friends. it's hard, but i'll keep on trying. however, today unfortuinately i'll have to abuse. just took another concerta 18mg and 5 valiums. it's still too much for me. i don't know really what to think. happy/euphoric/glad/sad/TRYING to cope. and coping, but this time i needed to go over the edge. oh well. lemme take the rest of my meds.

Hi Lefty Mac....I understand you're having a rough time right now...but just want you to know I'm listening, and hope you're feeling better soon

i'm a LOT better now - took some HEALTHY measures to regularize my sleep, it worked, i'm still coping of course, but that HEALTHY measures/and chain of events that i'll mention later yesterday made me wake up early, having slept well, feeling happy, well-disposed and just - in the light of my sunshine mood icon....