[Road_to_recovery]

Hi, I came over from the bipolar forum. I haven't received a clear diagnosis on any mental illness/disorder yet. But someone in a thread there asked about rapid cycling, and BPD was mentioned. I do have rapid and strong mood swings; I can go from confident to practically bawling my eyes out in no time flat. Today, for instance, my supervisor very nicely was talking to me about needing to be more firm with customers and I started crying in front if her. It was so embarrassing. I've started biting my knuckles a lot to deal with the anxiety.

I've had an issue with cutting since I was 17 and as an adult I tend to turn tO turn to alcohol. just want to get some wine and drink the anxiety and bad feelings away. And if that doesn't work to grab a pair of scissors and go back to my old coping habit.

I just feel like trash. Which is way different than I started out today. I'm not so much afraid of being alone as I am of making a fool of myself and being rejected. I don't know. But this board seems to be a better for for me than the others.

[shakespeare47]

Welcome to the board...
Cutting is definitely a trait of BPD, but of course you can't make a diagnosis based on that fact.

[shakespeare47]

I have experienced all the BPD traits, and I know the shame associated with the disorder. I was a construction worker for several years, and I would sometimes cycle through some sad feelings at work, much to the amusement of my fellow construction workers.

[CANDC]

Your supervisor is kind of a tough character it sounds like. Being assertive is maybe what your boss is saying.
You may have been reaching a valley caused by the decline of blood sugar from either not eating healthy meals often or just the natural decline over time. After 3 hours after a healthy breakfast I need something with protein like yogurt (without sugar) or tofu or nuts. Then I am feeling much more with it.
But be careful: alchohol tames anxiety momentarily but it makes mood swings much worse for days after. Sugar and carbos can be the same way a roller coaster ride of emotions.

Cutting seems like cruelty and abuse to ourselves. It creates a deep divide in us from guilt and pain. What positive purpose does it serve? Have you asked a doctor about medicine to deal with your situation to help you stay out of those dark places.
If that is not a current option, when you get all worked up how about trying some walking or exercises like yoga. It can help restore a balance and a positive energy. Or try eating a healthy snack.

[Lefty_Mac]

Hey, just know that if you need anything, |PM me, or message me, my comntacts are all there in my profile as well as my life's story. Same ol' same ol', but one has to help each other. Sent you a friend request. You're not alone, but find proper professional help to properly know what is your diagnosis. \you're not alone.