[Zebra821]

Hi. So I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 8. I was obsessed with germs and storms and had (still have) and extreme fear of throwing up.

The weird thing is, when I went to college, paranoia started eeking into my brain.

I was CONVINCED that the air was going to get sucked out of the atmosphere. That people were going to suddenly turn on me and try to eat me. That a zombie apocalypse was going to happen. I slept with weapons under my pillow and stocked up on non perishables.

I was wondering if this was a symptom of the OCD, OR, now that I've learned a little about BPD, if this is all just related to borderline and I actually never had OCD in the first place. I read that obsessions and anxiety and phobias are a big part of borderline and show up in early adolescence. That's when my first symptoms started showing. I know you guys aren't doctors, but talking to people with similar issues is sometimes more helpful for me. My doc. sucks and is convinced it's bipolar and won't look at other options.

quick list of my issues

-I hold onto relationships because I don't want to be alone, even if I don't really like the other person
-I'm SO AFRAID people I love are going to die
-The line is very blurred for me between romantic and friendship relationships, with both sexes.
-I am paranoid and have emetophobia (Fear of vomiting)
-I have extreme mood swings ranging from intensely happy to extremely sad (daily)
-I am obsessed with how others feel, and constantly put their needs before mine
-I have no idea who I am, what I'm doing, or where I'm going. Ever.
-I have intense relationships but never ACTUALLY get involved too much. I just make it seem like I am because I want that closeness.
-I feel SO EMPTY
-I need instant gratification. I spend too much money on impulse
-I cut, starve myself, pick apart the skin on my lips and rip out my eyelashes
-I'm reckless. Have unprotected sex, spend too much money, drink too much, even though I know it's wrong.
-I crave intimacy but can never really feel it.
-I damage every relationship (friendship and romantic) I have with either neglect or too much love/intensity
-I go back and forth between sexual preferences.
-I have unrealistic ideals about what my life should be. I'll change the world. Be a traveling philosopher. Become enlightened or hone in on a sixth sense.

Please, if you guys have been diagnosed with BPD, do you relate to anything I'm saying or am I totally off the mark?

[widgets]

Wow.... I totally relate and identify to you! I could have written that myself....

I can't tell you if you are bpd or not but you certainly appear to have some of the symptoms...

Can't you ask for another assessment?

[Zebra821]

Originally Posted by widgets

Wow.... I totally relate and identify to you! I could have written that myself....

I can't tell you if you are bpd or not but you certainly appear to have some of the symptoms...

Can't you ask for another assessment?

I think I'm going to try and find a new doc. He's older and kind of stuck in his ways... I need someone more versed in the newer issues and who can relate to me. Glad someone can relate!!

Hey there, it looks like you certainly have some BPD traits: impulsivity, emptiness, self-harm, recklessness, mood swings, craving intimacy but not feeling it, lack of identity, though not all your symptoms are characteristic of BPD. The paranoia you described is not typical of BPD, for instance. It may be related to OCD (I don't know much about OCD). So, it's definitely possible that you have BPD. You could easily be comorbid.

My Dx: BPD + Bipolar 2. I wouldn't rely on a shrink to diagnose you with BPD, due to stigma and insurance reasons (US healthcare does not consider PDs treatable). I badgered my shrink to diagnose me with BPD because I told him I fit every single symptom (not to mention, all the deeper research I've done). But, he refused, and diagnosed me with Bipolar 2 instead (I don't disagree with the diagnosis, but I identify much more with BPD). So, I diagnosed myself with BPD.

So, it's good that you posted here about this. The opinions of fellow sufferers can be just as valuable as that of your shrink.