I have a history of broken friendships - not sure if it's normal or not

I have a history of close friendships ending abruptly or simply fading away, and I'm wondering if it's normal or a symptom of BPD (I've never been diagnosed, but definitely have some characteristics of it).

In several of my friendships there's been a incident or two where I've irrationally lashed out at the other person, but aside from one instance it's never ended the friendship. The majority seem to end with us drifting away - life circumstances change, we no longer live or work close to each other and now have to make plans to meet up, and sooner or later catching up feels awkward, not natural. Eventually catching up begins to feel like a chore and soon enough I stop initiating it, because life's too short to have faux-friendships. Often the feeling seems mutual - a previously close friend falls out of contact and seems equally reticent to arrange future meet-ups.

With others, the dynamic eventually seems unhealthy - for instance, guy friends who are most likely romantically interested in me (they're overly eager to listen to my problems at any time of the day or night, help me out, and essentially have a non-reciprocal friendship; some have actually asked me out in the past). Others do the reverse, and begin to treat me like a therapist on call to talk about their problems. The non-reciprocity really gets to me - I don't like to feel that I'm using people, or vice versa - and recently I've gently cut a few of them off. I've insisted on no contact, which I guess is a BPD trait (totally cutting contact), but at the same time, is it really BPD? Or is it simply setting healthy boundaries? All of the people in this category seem to have social/mental health issues of their own, and in retrospect I think the friendships were inherently unhealthy (no one's fault, just in each case neither of us was setting boundaries).

The last category is the classic 'huge fight that ruins the friendship' - this has only happened once, and we were both under a lot of stress, living in close quarters and had probably developed a co-dependent relationship. After the fight, we both cut off contact and haven't spoken since, and it's definitely been healthiest for both of us.

Overall, does this sound like BPD, run of the mill stuff that we all go through in life, or both? At the moment I have no close friendships, and I'm not sure how I should feel about it. I clearly have a history of making dysfunctional friendships, but I'm in a healthier frame of mind now and I think I'll be able to avoid in the future. At the same time, not all my friendships have been dysfunctional, so surely I should have at least one long-term close friend? It seems odd that all my close friendships seem to have an expiry date of 2-3 years. It makes me somewhat nervous about getting close to people if sooner or later we're going to stop being friends and they're going to be left with a ton of embarrassing info about me and no obligation (other than being a decent person) to keep it under wraps. (Obviously referring to friendships that end poorly here; it's not really a concern in friendships where we've just drifted apart.)

This is a difficult question.. Because a lot of these things are natural. Everyone will have had a big argument and fallen out with someone in the past and drifting apart is kind of a fact of life. For me I think how you deal with these things is more of a pointer to bpd.
For instance instead of ignoring someone after a huge row I will actually pester them or try and start the argument again, or do the opposite and profusely apologise and not let it go until they forgive me. The feeling of drifting apart from people also goes one of two ways, either I will become extremely depressed and feel abandoned by them personally even if it's a gradual process and something they nor I have any control over... The other way is i completely cut them off like you said, i do this to avoid the pain...

A lot of the time I will avoid casual friendships, i have my absolute best friends and my family, the rest of the world I keep at arms length so that they cannot make me feel this way. Certain people have slipped through that net though and I have become attached, this always ends badly.

My point is, it's not abnormal for anyone to make friends and break friends and drift apart, it's the effect that has on you, how you react and what you do in future as a result of these things, also maybe If it seems to be a repeating pattern of the same situation happening over and over.

Hope this helps

I think it depends how you felt at the point of lashing out, before the friendships ended or faded away. If it was a BPD thing then you may have felt extremely betrayed, rejected or insulted by a little thing they did (or seemed to do) or maybe suddenly realized that they'd been using you, or appeared to at least, and you got angry about that

That's what often happens with me anyway, and once I've got past that point, often the friendship will end and I really don't want anything to do with them again (sometimes I'll break off contact completely). probably because they remind me of what I felt at that point and how extremely painful and disorientating it was and I don't want to be dragged back there again.

The downside is that sometimes I'll put up with people who are clearly wrong for me for years and years because I know how intense I get if I let any negative thoughts come out so I just numb myself and have put up with the most (sorry to be mean) annoying people imaginable. People who've phoned me day and night looking for someone to talk to and thinking I'm the most passive person alive who is always available. People who just talk about themselves without letting me get a word in or who I don't even want to or feel able to speak to about myself.

That word you used, reciprocity, is sooo important and I'm only realizing it recently. A healthy friendship is a two way street. Some of us maybe didn't benefit from reciprocal parenting and our opinions and needs weren't valued as children so we have to learn about that as adults.

I don't keep friends, too much work. I like people who I see once in awhile. I just don't like chatting on the phone or getting hurt. I'm a popper, I pop in and out of people's lives.