[Mika77]

Hi all,

I'm currently in a strange limbo period of my life where I am currently decreasing my old medication (prozac and abilify) to lamictal, which is a mood stabilizer that my psychiatrist said would be good for my BP1 and BPD traits. So, I recreationally smoke with my friends, and I said I was going to quit when I started the new medication, but so far that is going poorly. What's even worse is that I completely freaked out my friends last night, and I didn't remember any of it. I took two Xanax and then proceeded to drink about four glasses of wine, not really realizing the toll it would take on me. While I was blacked out, I was still hanging out with my friends and having a good time, but they said that I would change subjects really quickly like I wasn't listening, and just basically talk about nonsense. When my roommate told me what had happened, and how many people I called, I was appalled. I feel like such a terrible person for letting my curiosity for drugs get in the way of everything else. To make matters worse, I've been having fleeting suicidal thoughts, like I can't concentrate because I sometimes wander off to my own land in my head. I feel like when I'm alright, I'm faking it. And to be honest, I've been going through a lot of loss and pain, so my only relief is medications. I was so excited to get those Xanax, and yeah it just got worse from there. I took five of them the night before the night everything went pear-shaped. The whole day, even though I slept for hours, was just so weird. I kept thinking that people were with me when I was alone, and I would accidentally say my thoughts aloud to them, or what I thought was them. I know this is probably because of all the Xanax I took, but I'm trying to get better one step at a time. Does anyone have any statistics of how drugs affect you when you're on a certain medication? I just feel like I should be more careful but I've been so depressed lately and just wanted something to escape with

[Seablisse]

You should call your pharmacy and talk to someone. If you are getting prescriptions from more than 1 Dr. make sure to fill them at the same pharmacy so they can check drug to drug interactions including your smoke. Also any and all Dr.s need to know what all you are on because some prescriptions have extremely bad reactions to each other.

[ifst5]

As the above poster suggested, definitely make sure all your medications are being appropriately checked as reactions come about very easily but are simple to avoid with the right precautions. Secondly, who knows about your drug use? If doctors are prepared to medicate you themselves but not take on board that you're also using, i would seek second opinions because let's face it, if you felt better on the medication would you necessarily need to turn to recreational drug use?

[Mika77]

I know, I know I should have taken the Xanax, but I've been having very low moods lately, and all I want is something to numb the way I feel. I won't be taking anymore Xanax, because that's all that I had, and my roommates have decided, after the night that I was acting crazy, that they're going to quit smoking too. So hopefully I'll stay clean, with the exception of drinking or smoking infrequently.

I'm also just kind of depressed because I don't really know what to make of this situation with a guy that I have. We started off as friends and co-workers, and he invited me and my roommates to his parties. Long story short, him and I ended up getting together, and we hung out a few times a week after that, and then suddenly he was so busy. He has two jobs and he says that when he's done with both of them he just wants to hang out with his friends. But I like thought we were friends? So I'm confused. He also told me that he needed space, which gives me the bigger implication that he's hiding the real truth with me so I don't get upset. I just don't know how to confront him. I mean, I already did, and maybe I should just let go now, but it's hard and I would really like some advice and support it's been a bad couple of weeks, but I'm trying my best to see the light through the darkness.

[jean17]

Originally Posted by Mika77

Hi all,

I'm currently in a strange limbo period of my life where I am currently decreasing my old medication (prozac and abilify) to lamictal, which is a mood stabilizer that my psychiatrist said would be good for my BP1 and BPD traits. So, I recreationally smoke with my friends, and I said I was going to quit when I started the new medication, but so far that is going poorly. What's even worse is that I completely freaked out my friends last night, and I didn't remember any of it. I took two Xanax and then proceeded to drink about four glasses of wine, not really realizing the toll it would take on me. While I was blacked out, I was still hanging out with my friends and having a good time, but they said that I would change subjects really quickly like I wasn't listening, and just basically talk about nonsense. When my roommate told me what had happened, and how many people I called, I was appalled. I feel like such a terrible person for letting my curiosity for drugs get in the way of everything else. To make matters worse, I've been having fleeting suicidal thoughts, like I can't concentrate because I sometimes wander off to my own land in my head. I feel like when I'm alright, I'm faking it. And to be honest, I've been going through a lot of loss and pain, so my only relief is medications. I was so excited to get those Xanax, and yeah it just got worse from there. I took five of them the night before the night everything went pear-shaped. The whole day, even though I slept for hours, was just so weird. I kept thinking that people were with me when I was alone, and I would accidentally say my thoughts aloud to them, or what I thought was them. I know this is probably because of all the Xanax I took, but I'm trying to get better one step at a time. Does anyone have any statistics of how drugs affect you when you're on a certain medication? I just feel like I should be more careful but I've been so depressed lately and just wanted something to escape with

Please be careful. You are treading on very dangerous ground. Using your prescription meds incorrectly and using "recreational" drugs at all is a recipe for disaster. Get help. Tell your therapist the truth. Escaping into never, never land will not help you. Please get help for this self-destructive behavior.