Hi ladies, I would really like your advice on one thing I have never really been able to comprehend and don't see myself realistically ever mastering.

My story: Bullying during childhood > no confidence > don't know how to initiate a conversation > loner who dates less than one day per year, on average. You get the idea.

So, I think it comes down to the fact that, even though (I've been told countless times) I am a fairly good looking and intelligent well-rounded guy ... 6 ft tall, in great physical shape, almost always well dressed, with nice skin and a great smile, I'm almost never able to muster the confidence to initiate a conversation with a girl I find attractive or interesting. On the rare occasions when I can start a conversation, I can't keep it going very long, and it falls flat. I'm never able to take it to the point of "So, let's keep in touch. Can I get your email/phone ?". That leaves me feeling disappointed and sad, because I feel like there was a chance for a friendship or more, with an interesting gal, that I lost, and I don't know why ! I don't know what I did wrong, and I don't know what I could/should have done differently that would have resulted in success.

So, my question(s) to you: Imagine yourself, a single gal, in a bookstore. What are some of the things that you would like to be asked or that you would like to talk about with a guy who initiates a conversation with you ? Also, what can he do to keep you interested and engaged in the conversation ? Under what circumstances would you then take the leap of faith to give him your contact info so you guys could keep in touch ? What are the things you would look for, in this guy, given that it's your first time meeting him ? What kinds of things about him would leave a good impression on you ?

Thanks, I love y'all

How to Find Someone to Date at the Bookstore: 8 Steps - wikiHow

Sorry if this isn't helpful. I'm terrible at confident socializing so it's the best I could do. Meeting someone in a bookstore is something I want to do, but I'm scared of approaching someone I don't know, haha. Or having someone approach me. That'd be so cool but I'd definitely freeze up.

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

How to Find Someone to Date at the Bookstore: 8 Steps - wikiHow

Sorry if this isn't helpful. I'm terrible at confident socializing so it's the best I could do. Meeting someone in a bookstore is something I want to do, but I'm scared of approaching someone I don't know, haha. Or having someone approach me. That'd be so cool but I'd definitely freeze up.

Wow, what a great article ! Thanks

Though I would like honest opinions from gals, I can start there.

[Crazy Hitch]

You sound like a catch

You've got the physical things going on for you in a guy that I would look for, if I were single and not married, if you know what I mean.

I met my husband at a gym. We were actually really good friends for 6 months / year before we started "dating". It was casual at first. Watching comedy films, going out for a coffee etc. We just got to know each other first. No pressure. No strings attached. Although if truth be told he was more in to me initially than visa versa but never pushed it, if you know what I mean.

Well, I'm not entirely sure about meeting a guy in a bookstore but hey I guess it could happen. Guess you wouldn't really know if they're with someone though. I'm not sure, if I was chatting to a guy at a book store, and had a good conversation, how I'd react if he gave me his number ...? There's only soooo long you can talk to someone in a bookstore for before they'd start thinking - hey I'm trying to get a book ....

Maybe the venue needs changing-where there'd be no rush?

Some conversation tips, in no particular order. It would have to go with the flow in the direction of the conversation......without coming across as a game of 20 questions or I'm gonna stalk you with this info

What did you study (at college/university)
What work do you do (occupation)
Where did you grow up
Have you ever traveled abroad / best place for a holiday
Do you like pets / have any
Any siblings

Just general questions-sounds more like ones you'd have over a cup of coffee

Hooligan: That's exactly the kind of info I was hoping for Thanks for sharing your story ... that's so cool, how you met your husband !

Gym, hmmmmm ... given that I go there 7 days a week, maybe I should give it a shot There are some HOT gals that come to my gym.

There is one gal who works out by herself (so maybe she's single), and we've kind of exchanged looks a couple of times. Maybe I should say hi to her.

But then, isn't it obvious ... if I walk up to her and introduce myself, that I'm "interested" in her ? Won't that be awkward ? How do guys manage that ? What's the first line ?

Once I've made initial contact, I'm quite comfortable keeping a casual frienship going. But, that initial contact, that first line I say ... is the BIG OBSTACLE

[Crazy Hitch]

In all honesty I remember my husband saying "hi" and I don't remember much else. Would have been random banter. Give it a shot!

[baseline]

I think if you come across genuine and confident that would be a good start. I know looks are important for some first impressions but my daughters tell me stories about how guys approach them and they are pretty savy young ladies. They know a ******** artist a mile away! So I would go with being yourself and putting yourself out there ;some girls like to see a vulnerable side with the good looking main dish! Good luck and go for it!!!

Originally Posted by baseline

I think if you come across genuine and confident that would be a good start. I know looks are important for some first impressions but my daughters tell me stories about how guys approach them and they are pretty savy young ladies. They know a ******** artist a mile away! So I would go with being yourself and putting yourself out there ;some girls like to see a vulnerable side with the good looking main dish! Good luck and go for it!!!

Thanks, baseline I think I will go for it. You've given me the impetus I need

[allme]

Hi

I think the most important thing is, you be yourself! If you try and be something you are not they will sense something is off! In a book store I guess you could ask them for a recommendation for a good book

The best way to engage anyone is to ask them questions about themselves...ppl LOVE to talk about themselves...well, usually lol

Good luck...sorry I haven't got much good advice but one thing I do know is ppl like other genuine ppl .... and also someone that takes an interest in who they are

[LexieLex]

I'd probably suggest making sure there's some common ground. I'm guessing you visit the bookstore often and therefore read a lot yourself... Look out for a woman looking at similar titles. If she picks a book up that you've read, that could be your "in" to speak to her. Comment on the book, say whether you thought it was good work or not, then smile snd be approachable. Ask if she's read that author often, see where the conversation goes. Most importantly don't place too much pressure on the conversation going somewhere - a lot of conversations end abruptly and it's quite usual in this day and age. It's not because you're not interesting, etc, people aren't very trusting of strangers and some may have their reasons for not wanting to talk. But as long as you're friendly and approachable, one day you'll just click with someone and it will happen naturally

[Pierro]

Ohh yes you are indeed a catch. Girls pick up on lack of confidence. Did you ever see an ordinary man with a beautiful woman or vice versa. Don't you think, how did he/she get him/her. It's all about confidence, and that comes from within.
Best wishes and Happy New Year to you.

[seraphic]

Be genuinely interested in the girl and care about what she has to say. It's easy to tell when a conversation partner actually wants to hear you, or is just waiting for their turn to talk. Listen to her, ask questions about the things she mentions, take conversation cues from her (which mean that if she's giving you signals that she isn't interested in talking, don't try to force the conversation on longer - that will only give her a negative impression of you). Remember, you're not just trying to convince her to like you - you're trying to get to know *her* too! If you don't actually want to get to know her, then why bother talking in the first place? Conversation and friendship flows in two directions, after all.