[MyNameIsURL]

I know nobody here can diagnose me professionally, but I just wanted a bit of insight.

To start off, I'm never really sure who I am. My likes and dislikes can change sometimes. Not always, but a lot of times I will be extremely bored and feel kind of empty. When that happens, I often get very restless and feel like I'm going crazy or something.

I don't really have a lot of friends, because they always seem to abandon me after a while. I do have one person I've been friends with for one and a half years now and I consider them my best friend. But sometimes they do something (that's probably small and doesn't seem to bother most people) which can set my mood from super happy to super depressed in a matter of seconds. And then I will avoid them as much as possible.

My emotions can also change very quickly. A lot of times, I can be in a very good mood, then something small happens and I'm suddenly in a bad mood for the rest of the day. An example of this would be: the school I went to had banned electronics, and I figured earbuds would be fine since they can't operate without any electronic devices anyways. During the last hour of school we were doing something with computers and I took them out and plugged them into the computer. The only banned devices I knew of were laptops, phones and cameras, but by the end of the class, my teacher took them out of my hand and confiscated them. Up till then, my mood was pretty good, but as soon as she did that, I got so angry I cried. The bad mood lasted pretty much the whole day.

On the topic of friends and other people, sometimes when they don't respond to my messages or seem to ignore me, I start imagining worst-case scenarios, get depressed and think everyone hates me.

I sit in my room all day and pretty much isolate myself from people, but that may be caused by being far away from any people that I like talking to. Even so, when someone stops talking to me, and I actually considered them a friend, it can make me pretty depressed.

I don't engage in any dangerous acts like drinking or anything like that, but when I'm particularly upset, I generally listen to loud music or curl up in bed and daydream.
I used to have thoughts of suicide or self harmed (not very much though) in the past when I got very upset, but I know I'd never be able to go through with suicide, and I'd rather not get an infection (plus I'm very sensitive to pain), so I stopped. I still sometimes think I might as well die when I get very upset, but I'd probably never go through with it. It would be horrible to have wasted so much of my family's time, effort and money by killing myself at such a young age.

At the mention of guilt, I feel guilt very easily (sometimes). I have a bit of trouble empathizing with people in some cases though. Also, I am occasionally suspicious of other people for what is sometimes no real reason.

Do you have any opinions? And sorry for making it so long.

[sideblinded]

Welcome to PC!

I am glad that you know that we cannot diagnose you on here. What you describe does show some borderline traits but not all of what the DSM states. You just need to have 5 of the listed traits in the DSM. Instead of that, read up on borderline personality disorder and this will help you discuss your concerns with your T or doctor.

Here is some info from The National Institute of Mental Health.

NIMH · Borderline Personality Disorder

I have a few traits of BPD but not the classic ones. Only you know yourself better than even the professionals so do take an active role in your treatment process when you discuss this with them.

Hope this helps some.

Best wishes!

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi there

I can identify with some of the emotions you have outlined.

However, some symptoms can overlap with different diagnosis.

Always best to discuss this further with your doc.

Take care of yourself.