(or European or Canadian or Australian or whatever)

... is one of the biggest causes of depression and unhappiness on this Earth - chasing after something that the media and public opinion says you need to have, to be happy and be considered successful.

But, ask yourself, can there really be a one-size-fits-all path to happiness ? We are as unique as a color on the electromagnetic spectrum. Being similar to others has benefits, like being able to relate to others more easily - "Hey, did you watch Friends last night ?". It helps if you can respond and relate. Gives you a way to connect with others. But, ask yourself - how many of your "interests" are really yours, and how many belong to the media or your friends or even family ?

More fundamentally, I think that setting rigid expectations of yourself or others, which MUST be met, is the root cause of unhappiness. Think about it - you're alone and depressed on a Friday evening. Why ? Because society EXPECTS every person to be out partying on a Friday night. A person cuts you off on the freeway. Why does it make you angry ? Because you have an EXPECTATION that people must drive safely. Why do you feel bad when someone makes fun of your appearance ? Because you EXPECT a level of respect and tolerance from others.

I think, the more flexible we can be with expectations of others and our own selves, the less anxious and unhappy we will eventually be. This is because no one and nothing on this Earth is perfect. Instead of fighting every situation with expectations, let's work with them or around them, with flexibility and resilience. Let's not insist on jumping over the hurdle. Sometimes, it's best to go around it

MUST we own a big home and drive a nice car ? NO. WOULD it be nice ? YES. MUST we be in a relationship, so that we don't feel bad in front of other couples at a dinner party ? NO. WOULD it be nice ? YES. MUST we have six-pack abs ? NO. WOULD it be nice ? YES.

Let's learn the difference between MUST/SHOULD/CERTAINLY/CANNOT/NEVER/ALWAYS and CAN/COULD/MIGHT/PERHAPS/SOMETIMES/SOMEDAY.

I have found this to be the most powerful tool in my path towards a better life.

[The_little_didgee]

I never understood what the American dream was until recently and it isn't what I want even though I'm a Canadian.

I've been thinking a lot about my direction a lot lately (I'm specifically talking about employment). I'm on the verge of making a big decision that will change my life. To make it easier I've realized I have to work with what I possess (my personality traits, interests, strengths and weaknesses). I have to be honest with myself to find my ideal place in society. At the same time I must respect and maintain my values.

Cars and fancy houses don't appeal to me. I don't want to work my *** off to the point of unhappiness and exhaustion so I can have those things. All I need is enough money to live fairly comfortably so that I'm not starving and/or living in dilapidated housing.

Conforming has never ever worked for me. It has made me miserable because it isn't who I am. I've learned this years ago. Many people have gone out of their way to ridicule me because I am different and socially inept. I have autism spectrum disorder. Is that bad? No, but to them I'm a freak who needs to be fixed. I don't want to be around that BS because I'm my own person.

I'm not a follower. My desire for genuine contentment motivates me.

My personality traits are not desired by employers. For example, I'm not charismatic. I need to find employment that actually fits me and lets me maintain my mental health. The generic work environment is overwhelming and exhausting. I've always wanted to start a business and work my own hours. I need the flexibility to maintain my mental health and odd sleep schedule. I also need a lot of alone time and rest. If I don't my illness returns. I'd rather be productive and content than be ill.

P.S. I've never watched Friends. Nor do I care if I am home alone on Friday nights.

[Frankbtl]

Hi lilodian, !!!!!!!!!

To those who are struggling to meet, aren't ever going to be able to meet, don't want to meet cultural "dreams"............that doesn't make you less than anyone else, not in the slightest!!!!!
There's always going to be so much more to you than e.g. the mansion, house, apartment, car, cardboard box on the pavement whatever you might call home. Those things don't dictate your true value, that's inside you, that's in who you are!!!!
And the people who only want to know you, only want to take an interest in you if you fit into a "particular box".........have a degree, have a car, look a particular way, like to go to..............well you don't need them in your life anyway, let them go their own way and know that you still matter, no matter what!!! There's more to you than any of that!!!
And hey guys, never underestimate your actual achievements, hey??
For some it could be getting a great job, for some getting married, for some having children, for some getting their bank balance out of the red, for some just saying "No" I don't want to go to.........for some saying "No" to a drink just once, for some telling someone how they are really feeling, for some just managing to take a shower, for some just getting out of bed. And any which one of those achievements can be just as massive, just as big a step depending on your situation!!! In fact e.g. just getting out of bed for someone can be way bigger an achievement/take SO much more than for someone else to e.g. become head of a company. So, never sell yourself short!!!
And never give up on yourself..............dreams, goals, happiness can come in so many different forms, you try to find/hold on to the one's that are right for you at the time, the right path for you personally.
And of course there might be plenty of times that, that might not be easy but for those times you have PC for support
AND lilodian !!!!!!!!!!! Excellent thread!!!!!!!!!!!


Alison

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

AND lilodian !!!!!!!!!!! Excellent thread!!!!!!!!!!!


Alison

Oh sweet Alison ... you double ROCK

The_little_didgee,

hope you make the right choice for what ever it is you have to decide. (i'm giving your virtual hugs!)

i've also watched friends. i cried during the last episode.

and i still don't really understand what the american dream is. but it sounds like something to do with america?

lol

and if that's the case, i don't want it.. never wanted to visit america (or any other country for that matter)

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

The_little_didgee,

hope you make the right choice for what ever it is you have to decide. (i'm giving your virtual hugs!)

i've also watched friends. i cried during the last episode.

and i still don't really understand what the american dream is. but it sounds like something to do with america?

lol

and if that's the case, i don't want it.. never wanted to visit america (or any other country for that matter)

The American dream is the idea of a "perfect" life - a good white collar job, a home with a white picket fence, a couple of kids chasing after a dog in the backyard, a picture-perfect family that looks like a Hollywood photo shoot, a few nice cars in the driveway, and an everything-is-great-no-problems facade that one puts on when in public.

... and the idea that everyone must have it.

Originally Posted by lilodian4ever

The American dream is the idea of a "perfect" life - a good white collar job, a home with a white picket fence, a couple of kids chasing after a dog in the backyard, a picture-perfect family that looks like a Hollywood photo shoot, a few nice cars in the driveway, and an everything-is-great-no-problems facade that one puts on when in public.

... and the idea that everyone must have it.

it's an interesting concept.

it would be nice wouldn't it?

if i had something like that, it would be the total oppositte of what i have right now.

but if we all had this so called american dream, wouldn't life get boring. (not that it isn't all ready, but yeah)

[Mindful55]

Originally Posted by lilodian4ever

The American dream is the idea of a "perfect" life - a good white collar job, a home with a white picket fence, a couple of kids chasing after a dog in the backyard, a picture-perfect family that looks like a Hollywood photo shoot, a few nice cars in the driveway, and an everything-is-great-no-problems facade that one puts on when in public.

... and the idea that everyone must have it.

I am an American. .you hit it right on the head with the above..sad really. A materialistic society.

[avlady]

i am a person who cant live the american dream, because of my illness and i don't want to either. i used to live for friday nights, when i was working, it was a great feeling to have that miller lite in my hand on the side of the dance floor. then reality set in. i got pregnant, had to give up everything to take care of my son, no more friday nights, but i didn't mind. i havn't had a drink in over 20 years. alot of other things going on too, like moving out of my apartment. a long custody battle, which i won. marriage and starting over and tons of other reality crap. i only wish i could go back to the bar and enjoy a beer. not asking to get drunk, but just have a drink. is this asking too much?

Originally Posted by Mindful55

I am an American. .you hit it right on the head with the above..sad really. A materialistic society.

I'm an American too, and a proud one. I love this country ... despite it all, I still think this is the best place on Earth, but that has nothing to do with material objects or advanced technology. It's because I'm a huge proponent of independence and the freedom, and in most cases, the ability, to do whatever the hell you wanna do (I mean hobbies or jobs) without your neighbor having a huge say in it. I also love the fact that, in most metropolises, you will likely run into people from all corners of the world ... a true melting pot !

However, yes, it is sad that people are hypnotized by the media and by Hollywood.

Originally Posted by avlady

i am a person who cant live the american dream, because of my illness and i don't want to either. i used to live for friday nights, when i was working, it was a great feeling to have that miller lite in my hand on the side of the dance floor. then reality set in. i got pregnant, had to give up everything to take care of my son, no more friday nights, but i didn't mind. i havn't had a drink in over 20 years. alot of other things going on too, like moving out of my apartment. a long custody battle, which i won. marriage and starting over and tons of other reality crap. i only wish i could go back to the bar and enjoy a beer. not asking to get drunk, but just have a drink. is this asking too much?

Wow, thanks for sharing that with us. I applaud you on your sobriety ... that takes enormous determination !

I think it's ok to have a beer or glass of wine once in a while. But, before you do, be sure that one won't turn into two !

[Mindful55]

Originally Posted by lilodian4ever

I'm an American too, and a proud one. I love this country ... despite it all, I still think this is the best place on Earth, but that has nothing to do with material objects or advanced technology. It's because I'm a huge proponent of independence and the freedom, and in most cases, the ability, to do whatever the hell you wanna do (I mean hobbies or jobs) without your neighbor having a huge say in it. I also love the fact that, in most metropolises, you will likely run into people from all corners of the world ... a true melting pot !

However, yes, it is sad that people are hypnotized by the media and by Hollywood.

I am proud as well. I was in the military for a number of years and the pride of freedom and helping others has always stuck to me.