[ThunderGoddess]

Well I think I'm being lied to by boyfriend I have sedated myself with vodka and Xanax my therapist is texting me to make sure I do not do anything harmful to myself. Truthfully I'm too depressed to get out of bed I feel like I don't exist I am already dead inside. i need peace and no one can bring that to me but myself. Numbness is setting in I am not real.

I can relate. I feel unreal too... I've been drinking a lot and not caring what happens to me. I wish I could help but for the most part I think we're alone in this.

[dancinglady]

Hope your T has got a good handle on ur situation.

[Frankbtl]

Hi ThunderGoddess, I don't care who your boyfriend is/isn't but one thing is for sure........he isn't worth hurting like this over.
If he's not lying then let him show you that.........allow yourself to be open to any evidence out there that helps you believe that he's not. Don't allow your insecurities (???) to steal away something good from you.
And if you find that he is lying.......then maybe you can work it out, maybe there is a reason you can both work through and move on from, maybe things can still be good or even better than good in time.
But if it's not going to work out.........you can make it through this, he isn't going to be deserving you, he isn't going to be deserving this pain/hurt/emptiness. You are going to be deserving someone a whole lot better, and this is going to give you the opportunity to eventually find them.
But now, time to put yourself first...........no-one has the right to make you feel this bad. And whatever happens you can make it through!!!
Especially with us here for you
Alison

[ThunderGoddess]

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

I can relate. I feel unreal too... I've been drinking a lot and not caring what happens to me. I wish I could help but for the most part I think we're alone in this.

Agreed on alone !! but hey now we know we have each other to at least understand the pain were both going through so in a sense we are connected. I'm a Wiccan so I beleive very strongly in the connection of others vibes even if we're far away when I send you good vibes it brings back pieces of mine.. Want experiment and Try sending me good vibes and see if it helps you gain some too ? 🌞🌻

[ThunderGoddess]

Originally Posted by dancinglady

Hope your T has got a good handle on ur situation.

Yes and thank you or for your concern she is a psychotherapist so she allows me to call, text or email at anytime I feel out of control she is absolutely a wonderful life lifeline I've been texting with her all morning.

[ThunderGoddess]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi ThunderGoddess, I don't care who your boyfriend is/isn't but one thing is for sure........he isn't worth hurting like this over.
If he's not lying then let him show you that.........allow yourself to be open to any evidence out there that helps you believe that he's not. Don't allow your insecurities (???) to steal away something good from you.
And if you find that he is lying.......then maybe you can work it out, maybe there is a reason you can both work through and move on from, maybe things can still be good or even better than good in time.
But if it's not going to work out.........you can make it through this, he isn't going to be deserving you, he isn't going to be deserving this pain/hurt/emptiness. You are going to be deserving someone a whole lot better, and this is going to give you the opportunity to eventually find them.
But now, time to put yourself first...........no-one has the right to make you feel this bad. And whatever happens you can make it through!!!
Especially with us here for you
Alison

Thank you and that is such great advice! I am totally at that point that if he is lying we can work it out he didn't cheat on me so it's not extremely severe in perspective but I also do not deserve to be lied to so I'm going to try to take this slowly I've gathered evidence that has been inconclusive at this point to which my therapist also said we can't know for sure but I need to keep myself in mind either way I have the strength to get through whatever the outcome. It just still hurts so deeply but I'm happy I got to talk to my therapist and calmingly trying to get my s*** together.

[Frankbtl]

Hi ThunderGoddess, sounds great that you're keeping in place certain boundaries that you're not going to just let him just cross. Sounds a really good basis for either continuing with a relationship that deserves working on, or knowing to end a relationship that just isn't going to be good for you. Good on you!!!!
And you're absolutely right you need to keep yourself in mind either way. Don't let those boundaries slip, hey??!!! You deserve real happiness!!!
Anyway, really hope it works out........but it will whether he proves to be someone who deserves to be with you, or if you need to end it because he doesn't..........either way........result!!!!

And from another of your replies up there...........sending you lots of good vibes!!!!

Alison