Maybe y'all don't see it quite this way, and maybe I don't know what I'm talking about, but I have a question for you - when you're sick and cold on a chilly winter night, ain't it nice to have that other person around ? To bring you warm water, to rub some soothing balm on your forehead, or bring you your pills ? To do whatever needs to be done around the house, so you can take it easy ?

Well, last night, I wasn't feeling my best - coughing and sneezing and cold, and shivering under the sheets. But there was no one nearby ... only my neighbors on the other side of the cardboard that my apartment is made of. I just thought to myself - ah, it'd be nice to have someone bring me my asthma inhaler or tell me my cold's gonna be gone the next day, instead of me telling myself that all the time

Don't get me wrong - I love my independence and self-sufficiency. I've seen myself through a lower back surgery, recovery from a gunshot wound to the lung, and many worse things than those, .... entirely alone. But, I'm just curious

I'd love to hear some stories from married folks, or folks in committed long term relationships - how do things work in your lives ? Indulge me

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi liliodian4ever

This is a very good question.

I am quite sure that members here will have different thoughts on this one due to their experiences.

Relationships can be tricky for us at times, and yes, they require work and commitment.

I guess there needs to be a degree of tolerance and understanding from both partners - empathy and listening to one another first.

I don't allow my husband to play the carer (sorry, I wouldn't even know the correct terminology for the word) role in my life. Yes, we look after one another emotionally, don't get me wrong, but he doesn't go running around getting me water / etc when I'm not well ...... but ...... I don't do that for him either

But we've both got a sense of independence and are both committed to separate interests, and yet we meet together half way in the middle too.

I guess not all relationships work like this.

This is just a perspective on how mine works.

I think to myself if it was anyone else .... who didn't love me as much .... he'd have walked out the door years ago - yeah these bpd issues still swing through my mind and I have to remind myself that it's not reality.

I do scare the bajeebies out of him when I have some "bpd moments" - *cough* trigger - but ..... yeah .....

Hooligan, thanks for sharing that ! It's fascinating, I think

BTW, isn't it like 5 am for you ? Do you always wake up this early ?

[technigal]

My husband acts as a caregiver for me when I am sick. He says it makes him feel needed. It makes me feel comforted. When sleeping I am always touching his back or arm, he makes me feel safe.

Originally Posted by technigal

My husband acts as a caregiver for me when I am sick. He says it makes him feel needed. It makes me feel comforted. When sleeping I am always touching his back or arm, he makes me feel safe.

That's so sweet

[mommyto3furballs]

my husband sometimes does and sometimes doesn't look after me. but I have to look after him when he's sick. can't complain. he stood by me through my mood swings all these years just like I've stuck by him with his issues

[Crazy Hitch]

Yeah I'm not sleeping at all liliodian

[avlady]

I love my husband and he is such a great help i'd be dead without him!!!!

[littlebitlost]

Only in some GOOD marriages is this kind of caring found. Mine surely wasn't like that. And I had a huge mega car accident and really NEEDED to be loved, looked after and cared about.

My ex husband was just NOT there for me in that way. Ever. I'm not saying everything was his fault, cuz it takes 2 to tango, but even when it WAS good, he just wasn't that kinda guy. He was sure better at first...

I am single now, so am on my own, just me. I've had my parents and 10yo daughter's support, but I've had several operations, and a major hip replacement. All on my own pretty much.

I crave that caring and togetherness that is meant to happen in a marriage. Doubt I will marry again, but I want a long term, stable, loving, caring SOMETHING.

Having to look after yourself alone sucks. When ya feel crappy it sucks even more. Just normal every day stuff alone isn't great. I'm quite an introvert, and I often prefer my own company, and that of The Cat, but it wears thin sometimes.

I wish things worked like you said OP, and the other folk who've jumped in to say it exists. Even just hearing that gives me hope kinda.

x
B

[cremedelacreme]

I am in a serious relationship but it seems to be falling apart due to my anger and mood swings that are constant. How do you people with BPD make relationships work?! I'm scared to lose this.