[cremedelacreme]

Hello! I am 24 and was diagnosed with BPD yesterday. After having an idea and doing some research for the past couple weeks, it fits me to a tee and don't know how nobody saw it earlier!

Anyway- for someone newly diagnosed, what do you think is the most important thing to know about BPD?

Answers can be in regards to medicine, treatment, relationships, anything. Thanks in advance!

[ThunderGoddess]

Invest in a good psychotherapist and preferably one that is involved with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)

Originally Posted by cremedelacreme

Hello! I am 24 and was diagnosed with BPD yesterday. After having an idea and doing some research for the past couple weeks, it fits me to a tee and don't know how nobody saw it earlier!

Anyway- for someone newly diagnosed, what do you think is the most important thing to know about BPD?

Answers can be in regards to medicine, treatment, relationships, anything. Thanks in advance!

You need to know that the label BPD is a very complicated one. Don't put too much emphasis on it.

I urge you NOT to focus on the label, but on the individual symptoms themselves, ex: anger, self-harm, emotional outbursts, etc. And try to find coping strategies to deal with these symptoms.

Life experience will definitely help you cope with BPD. In other words, even though you will always have ups and downs, as you get older, you will become more aware of your inner strengths and weaknesses, and you will learn not to fight yourself as much. BPD can pretty much be summarized as fighting yourself (or others) day and night, for reasons that may make no sense whatsoever.

Examples of things I have learned through bitter life experience:
- People cannot be controlled or changed, so don't try. They will do what they wanna do.
- Take any advice from anyone with a grain of salt. There might be some truth to what they're saying, but always analyze it yourself because their advice may not apply to you as much as it does to them.
- Do not lose your calm over things you cannot control. Someone cuts you off while you're driving on a freeway. Should you get furious and engage in road rage ? If you get back at this person, can you ensure that it never happens again ? No
- Not to take anything too seriously or for granted, because nothing in this life is permanent. Usually, good things or people are snatched away somehow, so don't hold on too tight, or you will hurt like hell when you lose it or them - jobs, relationships, marriages, personal possessions, what-the-hell-ever.
- Pick your battles. Amidst the war that you wage with BPD, you will be presented with many daily battles. Pick which ones are really worth fighting, because if you try to fight them all, you will get old and insane real fast. Boss makes fun of your hair in front of others ... you're hurt, embarrassed and angry ... tell him to have a nice day and move on to the next part of your day. You can bet your butt that that is not the last battle you're going to fight at work or on that day.
- Be self-sufficient as much as possible. No one in this world, not your mother or father or best friend or your spouse is always going to understand and/or care and/or be able to rescue you. You are the cake, they are the icing. Don't make them the cake. This is the battle of your life ... you fight it.

Hope this helped some. You can get better if you work smart. Don't just work hard, also work smart. Reflect, contemplate, introspect, observe, learn from mistakes.

One more thing: Don't rely completely on therapy. Don't invest false hopes in therapy. Recovery is going to be almost entirely up to you. I find that a lot of people have a false sense of security knowing that they're in therapy. Then, when therapy ends, they often struggle with missing their therapist coz they became too attached and now that person is gone. This goes back to my point about not holding on to anything too tightly.

[HD7970GHZ]

Hi Cremedelacreme,

"...for someone newly diagnosed, what do you think is the most important thing to know about BPD?"

If there's one thing I wish I could have heard in the beginning - it was: The process of learning to deal with Borderline is in learning to love yourself.

Everyone is different - so naturally - learning to love yourself will be different from other sufferers. For me - it's an ongoing battle. It is not easy but it is possible.

Thanks,
HD

Hi, I left out a very important suggestion/tip. Please, I beg you, give this one particular importance. You will be amazed at how powerful this simple tool is.

Recognizing both the good and bad sides of people/things/situations - This is probably THE MOST IMPORTANT of all coping skills you will ever learn. This is really going to help you tolerate stressful situations. Example: Someone breaks up with you. This is going to hurt like hell, but if that person wants to leave you, perhaps it is best for you to let them go ? The bright side of this is that you are letting go of someone who doesn't want to be with you, so that you can make room for someone who DOES want to be with you One door closes so another can open.

If you learn to see both the good and bad, that will combat your black n white thinking, which is the biggest downfall typical of people who suffer from BPD. You will then learn to analyze situations more calmly, without getting too excited or angry or emotional. Instead of you demonizing someone for this bad thing and that bad thing, and the anger piling up higher and higher, you will learn to add one good thing and one bad thing and so on, which will cancel each other out ! The result - you are calm and able to respond to the situation with less emotion and more control. Instead of yelling and cursing, you just tell yourself, "Ok, this is not ideal. But, it could be worse. There is a bright side to this."

Another is compassion/empathy - When someone mistreats you, think for a minute - is it possible that they're also going through a tough time ? Is that person going through a divorce ? Are they under a lot of stress ? Do they have mental issues of their own ? Don't take the mistreatment personally, because you are likely not the reason for their behavior. This is another powerful distress tolerance tool.

When you are able to empathize with someone, they no longer seem like demons out to make your life miserable. They just become normal humans who are imperfect. And, they become easier to deal with

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

Hi Cremedelacreme,

If there's one thing I wish I could have heard in the beginning - it was: The process of learning to deal with Borderline is in learning to love yourself.

Everyone is different - so naturally - learning to love yourself will be different from other sufferers. For me - it's an ongoing battle. It is not easy but it is possible.

Thanks,
HD

Very well put, HD ! And what you said is absolutely right. It is SO HARD to do, yet extremely important.

Once you learn to love yourself, life will become a playground for you

[cremedelacreme]

Thank you all! Lots of great takeaways.

Originally Posted by cremedelacreme

Thank you all! Lots of great takeaways.

You are so very welcome Please continue to reach out to us here. There are so many wonderful people here, someone will almost always be here for you

May I also say - chin up ! You're going to get through this. Recovery may not come in the shape or form you imagine (like in the movies, overnight) ... but if you persist and not give up hope, you will one day get to the bright side of life, and you will know that you've gotten there. It's an unmistakeable feeling !

You're also so young ! Here's wishing you learn from other people's mistakes (esp. from an old fart like me) so that you can start enjoying your life in earnest

[Crazy Hitch]

Great question, many opinions and answers.

The most crucial thing for me was getting into the right type of therapy to help me manage my bpd symptoms.

There are a few different therapy options available.

I'm currently doing Schema Therapy.

It's pretty useful.

[moodycow]

for me the most important thing is to remember it is not our fault and we are NOT bad people .

[kamikazebaby]

Originally Posted by Hooligan

Great question, many opinions and answers.

The most crucial thing for me was getting into the right type of therapy to help me manage my bpd symptoms.

There are a few different therapy options available.

I'm currently doing Schema Therapy.

It's pretty useful.

I had wondered about schema therapy, but couldn't find anyone less than 2 hours away who does it.