[brokengirl1980]

Does anyone else push people away in order to avoid abandonment rather than trying to make people stay? I don't really have any friends or close relationships and that's because the thought of them ending badly makes me panic and feel like I'd rather just not have the friendship. I don't trust people not to hurt me or abandon me. I know fear of abandonment is a borderline trait but I thought it usually presented as desperate attempts to get someone not to leave, not desperate attempts to stop them from being there in the first place.

[Pierro]

I think that I am more like you in the fact that I dont make friends easy because they are hard work and it always goes sour anyway.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm mostly more like you as well (I've been dxd with "avoidant" personality)

Yes, it usually goes sour anyway and hurts too much

(It's certainly possible to have BPD and avoidant pd together imo)

Btw welcome to pc . I'm also in the UK

[cremedelacreme]

Originally Posted by brokengirl1980

Does anyone else push people away in order to avoid abandonment rather than trying to make people stay? I don't really have any friends or close relationships and that's because the thought of them ending badly makes me panic and feel like I'd rather just not have the friendship. I don't trust people not to hurt me or abandon me. I know fear of abandonment is a borderline trait but I thought it usually presented as desperate attempts to get someone not to leave, not desperate attempts to stop them from being there in the first place.

I do both strangely. I push them away but get super upset and abandoned when they leave. It's almost like I want to test their commitment? It usually doesn't work out that way though. When will I learn?!

[waggiedog]

Hi there and in answer to that question ''does anybody else push people away'', when in reality you want them to stay? It's typical of the title of a BPD book: ''I hate you, don't leave me''
This is the title of a book by and about people suffering BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). We fear greatly being ''left'' and thus it's actually the insecure BPD person who actually does the pushing away first ~~ We want to go rather than be ''left'', then it's also like we have control of the situation. Hope that helps some. HUGS. XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[Crazy Hitch]

Yes brokengirl, if I had to give a short honest answer, I do do this and I am acutely aware I'd rather push someone away first than have them leave.

[henrydavidtherobot]

Many people do it without realizing it through poor social skills and situation evaluating skills caused by splitting and over analyzing. I think it's good you recognize it. It's the first step in learning to prevent it.

[Dobby67]

I have been doing this since I was 6 years old. Make them go because they are going to go anyways.