[Hopeful78]

Do any of you ever reach what you thought you wanted but then want to be somewhere else? Are you always searching, searching, searching?

When you get all excited about something, do you often find it much less than what you expected?

[Lisa Michelle]

Oh god, YES, YES YES.

I have these moments where I find 'the answer', I get so excited "this is going to be the best time of my life" and I get there, and I realise it's still just me but in a different place or situation.

Like, an example. I decided to have a year abroad... in barcelona, how fab does that sound? But no. So... in my head I thought I will go to Spain, become fluent in the language, meet LOTS of friends, go out ALL THE TIME. Honestly I thought "this will be the time of my life". But I was a hermit a lot of the time, made barely any friends, became so ill that I relapsed into my anorexia and in the end couldn't leave the flat on my own and when I did I was a wreck. Fought with my flatmate nearly daily, screaming, crying. By the end of the year I was really ill and had to come back early.

And I've done it before. Uni was meant to be the time of my life but wasn't. Then I met my ex bf and insisted after about 2 months that we move to the seaside - this was meant to be the time of my life but it wasn't.

I always think something is going to just... happen.... and "if I go here and do this" that I will be happy. But I found... you can run away from home, but you can't run away from yourself. Wherever you run to, you'll be there too! So I'm back home to get better... I hope. But it's another one of those "if I do this I'll be happy". But maybe I'm right, if I get proper help maybe I will be happy.

Where do you feel like being, hopeful?

[tryingtobeme]

Originally Posted by Hopeful78

Do any of you ever reach what you thought you wanted but then want to be somewhere else? Are you always searching, searching, searching?

When you get all excited about something, do you often find it much less than what you expected?

Yes Hopeful. I do this all the time. In all my relationships, my job, even with my T. I know it very hard and I understand what you are say.

[ECHOES]

Yes, I struggle with this, but I have learned to listen very very closely to my thoughts, and to slow down my thoughts, and when I do I often find I have quietly but effectively demeaned the experience, the person, the achievement, and/or the good feelings about it.

[Michah]

Totally, Hopeful78........I get exactly what you are saying...

And I found that with some painful reflection.....

That I was not moving forward....... to experience joy

but was trying to run away......from myself.

Take good care of your precious self, dear one. Stillness will come.

Michah

[Jetsfan69]

I struggle with the same thing on a daily basis so what I do now is that I dont plan ahead... which may be wrong as its part of the impulsivity thing... but say for eg someone asks me to do something, I tell them that I will let them know on the day of the event etc so I will go if I can find myself in a social mood and if not then I say no... It helps me rather than I go somewhere and I feel trapped and frustrated etc

[mommaof3]

Yes yes yes and I go to extremes with it. Like wake up and decide I want to move so I give away everything I own, move and change the way I look. All with in weeks. Slowly I am learning that I am trying to hide and avoid getting forgotten/abadoned by leaveing first and very suddenly so no one not even my hubby can say no. Luckly he is flexable and tolerates it but I know it is hard on him.

[sporty72]

Hi new here, I have got a feeling of connection with your posts above. Wow, one of my diagnosies 14 years ago was BPD. A couple of weeks ago I thought I'd look on the net what this mean and am starting to find out things that my be relevant to me. Up to 5 years ago when I ws 42 yrs old, I move on average once every 8 months from the age of 14.

[preddymadly]

I feel this way all the time, needing to be somewere else, wanting to dissapear, i am in a lot of debt, i have no job, i have tons of experience, but, no-one wants to employ me, it's a case of apply, apply and apply again and again, living on handouts, threatning debt letters, the dole wont help because my partner works, i hate this, i need a job, want to bring in my own money, want to feel proud again, get my debts paid off, i see many a person outside, getting on with their life, coming home with bags off shopping, my partner has been really supportive towards me and through my depression i put him through hell, but, i can't help it, i suffer it severly. Because of my violent ex partner, my confidence has been shattered, i fight each day with a struggle. So i have many a reason to wish i was somewere else, i wish i could just run away to somewere like Paris of Germany or Mars or the Moon, to escape this crap life i have been through, my partner begs me not too, but, its how i feel, again, i cannot help it, so, until things get better, i will keep trying to fight a battle and get on with each day as it comes.