[Espresso]

I've been struggling a lot the past few weeks. So much so that I broke out of my self-conscious shell in some instances in order to be honest about what's going on and ask for help/advice/anything really. On the one hand, I feel like I'm at the of my rope and I'm simply trying to find something that could help me. On the other hand, I'm kind of liking the attention that comes from admitting to people that you're so close to suicide that a slight breeze could push you over the cliff. And I knew I would like the attention before I asked for help. I argued with myself before ever confiding in anyone. "You're just doing this for attention. No, I need help. This is legitimate. No, you don't. You've kept yourself alive this long without help so that means that confiding in so-and-so is just a desperate attempt to get attention. No, I really feel like I need to do this. Come on, this is life or death! No it's not. That's just the excuse you give yourself to justify telling others. In reality, you want pity, you want someone to care about you, etc, etc." (Interesting how the attention-seeking opinion took on the second person while the I-need-help side used the first person. ??? Perhaps related to the idea of the detached "rational mind" versus the more intimate "emotion mind".)

So I don't know. I've always been suspicious of my motives. Even 13+ years before anyone mentioned BPD to me, I would exhaustively examine my motives before doing things that could be attention-seeking behavior. And maybe I did that because I knew that I was craving attention, desperately wanting to be noticed, but I also knew that "acting out" or exaggerating to achieve such results was not desirable. What do you think? Did I screw up by reaching out to non-professionals (but still trustworthy, caring people)?

[ectobiologist3]

I used to feel this way and it's not bad to enjoy the attention that people give you, because you seem to rarely get pity so when people are being very nice to you, it feels good. Anything that can push you far enough to think about suicide seems legitimate, and getting help is NOT at all attention seeking. that kind of thing is usually not something people do for attention, I have witnessed people do that but it's a ****** thing to do and you're probably not a bad person and I don't think you wished this sadness on yourself so, to give you a short answer, its legitimate but you enjoy the kindness of people (which is completely okay to do). If you ever need to talk to anyone, I'm here

[freespirit37]

I don't think so. Sometimes a person does not know how to ask for help any other way.

I know that for me, when I was suicidal, it was because I just wanted the pain to end. Maybe it appeared that I was seeking attention or manipulating, but I really just wanted relief.

[Starling.]

Well, technically, yes - when you're asking for help, you're asking someone to pay attention to you in order to help you. But there's nothing wrong with that. I really hate the way "attention-seeking" has such negative connotations. Everyone needs attention, and everyone seeks it in some way. It's normal. We're social creatures, we're not supposed to exist in some completely isolated, independent state where we don't need anyone to pay attention to us.

If you're feeling suicidal, then asking for help is absolutely the right thing to do. And it is okay if you also like that people pay attention to you.

But I guess the important thing is being able to get the "attention" you need in healthy ways; through positive two-way relationships. If you're able to do that, then it probably will help you avoid needing to seek it in unhealthy ways. But not because it's "attention-seeking" just because it's likely to have a better effect on your life.

I hope that makes sense!

But yes, bottom line - feeling suicidal means you should definitely ask for help, regardless of whether you feel like it's attention seeking or not.