[Bluebabar]

This is kind of a buddhist problem related to mindfullness and bdp...I heard a talk of Ajahn Brahm and he was saying that if you don't love yourself, if your parents treated you like **** with no love, you can't try and let go the self, first you need to feel good about yourself then and only then you can work on the no-self...I understand what he was saying but I feel discouraged nonetheless because it looks to me like you need to build something, suffering trough the process like putting stones one on top of each other, and then when you have reached your goal you have to kick it to ground...thinking about this process makes me tired and sad already...anybody has some insight about this problem? It would be really hepfull

Thanks
Albi

hello and welcome

Originally Posted by Bluebabar

This is kind of a buddhist problem related to mindfullness and bdp...I heard a talk of Ajahn Brahm and he was saying that if you don't love yourself, if your parents treated you like **** with no love, you can't try and let go the self, first you need to feel good about yourself then and only then you can work on the no-self...I understand what he was saying but I feel discouraged nonetheless because it looks to me like you need to build something, suffering trough the process like putting stones one on top of each other, and then when you have reached your goal you have to kick it to ground...thinking about this process makes me tired and sad already...anybody has some insight about this problem? It would be really hepfull

Thanks
Albi

Hello Blubabar - welcome!

I'm working on mindfulness through DBT, meditation and I am just beginning Tao Te Ching --I think I'm overwhelming myself, but I've always liked Eastern Philosophy and how it's been tied to dialectical behavior therapy.

From your description, I actually don't see the concept of building up something first only to kick it to the ground. I know that I could have misunderstood your post, so I apologize in advance. But, from what you wrote I see it a little differently. I feel that I can agree with working on the self first (I really believe that I have to stop the self hate in order to also "not hate" the people around me - the hate I felt for them sometimes stemmed from the hate I had for myself) makes it easier to tackle other issues (not quite sure what the no-self is - I'm going to have to research that)

Even if you pile rocks on top of more rocks, they don't necessarily have to be a mountain of useless rocks. As you're putting them together, you have to be mindful of how you're setting those rocks -make sure they're steady, they're solid before you pile more rocks on top. Consider their size. You wouldn't put a huge stone on top of a pebble, right? Each rock has a purpose to support the rock you put on top of it. And the structure, as it gets taller will hopefully be...strong in the end. Each rock has a purpose even if it's just to build a mountain of rocks.
When it's done...each rock that now has meaning and purpose...can be used again for something else. Don't look at it as tearing something down that you worked so hard for - you're not tearing it down, you're rearranging it. That pile of rocks now takes a different shape.
The rocks that supported the pile at the bottom, can now be a small rock fence. Smaller pebbles and stones can be a rock garden. You're really not destroying your work....your hard work is being used for something else.

Well, at least that's my perspective -
thank you for the post - It was wonderful to meditate to that question. And welcome again!!!

[Leesh344]

Thanks!!!

[Fuzzybear]