bpd & pmdd

This honestly feels like a curse although I guess that's my personalization issue. 15 Common Cognitive Distortions | Psych Central
I am just losing it I can't take it every month sometimes for 2 weeks before I get my period I am an emotion tornado that just seriously sucks to be pissed off for 14 days in a row my chest actually hurts from the anger and sadness I feel. I have now ruined yet another door in my home, I pushed my boyfriend cuz I was certain he was cheating on me and punched and hit objects to the point of bruising my arms and hands. I feel like I am going to explode I have a stash of Xanax I strictly use for the pmdd symptoms because I have no control whatsoever but it's not really good to use with divalproex and makes me so sleepy I can't do a thing but nap so I caved the last 2 days of pmdding and took one each day it's just really saddening to me that I can't make myself feel good I have to use a drug to stay calm. And I don't want to be mean to my boyfriend anymore I just feel like a mess and I have therapy tomorrow which I'm sure we'll bring up me pushing my boyfriend so gotta prepare for the guilt and embarrassment of that incident. I'm just so disappointed in myself.

Just keep swimming
I have BPD or Autism or both, we may never know, the focus is always the symptoms, not the diagnosis

Thundergoddess, BPD is a challenging illness. I would talk to your prescribing doc and see if there are some adjustments in your medicines that can help you feel more stable.

Remember it is not you but the illness that causes these behaviors.

I have to watch what I eat because foods I eat can stabilize my moods or exaggerate them. A high protein low carb diet with snacks or meals every 3-4 hours will over time reduce my swings. I also avoid alcohol and recreational drugs because those can really increase depression.

Other lifestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, mindfulness, calm music, and being active on Psych Central.

Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems though still there are more manageable.

I understand. I have pretty bad PMS and guilt too. It's good you're in therapy though, at least you're trying to get better.