[tentoedsloth]

I'm asking because I've been diagnosed with BPD briefly in the past, and now it's bipolar--but the phrase "unstable sense of self" sounds like one of the big problems in my life, and I'm not finding that mentioned in bipolar descriptions or on the bipolar forum.

What's it like for you, specifically?

For me, for example, sometimes I really like to be with people and join a lot of groups and make a lot of friends, then after a few months I realize that I don't like people and I've made a big mistake so I disappear from the groups and hope people don't call me... and I enjoy the solitude and freedom to do what I want when I want... and then when I've been mostly alone for a few months (or weeks) I realize that I've made a mistake and I can't be happy without people in my life and it all repeats. This has happened many times in my life. This time I've been a people person for over 6 months but I dread the old "Oh no, I've made that mistake again."

This applies to everything from religion to what I do with my hair. I don't do this for fun; I hate it. I don't know what kind of person I am.

So will you share with me your experiences of the sense of self disturbance from BPD?

[CANDC]

Hi tentoedsloth, sorry to hear you are suffering from bipolar disorder abbreviated BD
(BPD is borderline personality disorder).

Here are some articles about symptoms of BD:
Bipolar Disorder Symptoms | Psych Central

see the lists of manic phase symptoms and depressive phase symptoms. this may explain why you go from social to antisocial
Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depression) | Psych Central

Phases and Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder | Psych Central

[tentoedsloth]

Thanks, CANDC. You don't know me (yet?)--I'm the mad scientist researcher and have read a LOT about bipolar since the diagnosis. (It was kind of you to post all those links, though.)

But I hadn't though about the social/antisocial phases being an alternation of manic (hypomanic) and depressive. When I've been wildly social and then have become very unhappy with it--maybe depressive. Then when I think, "Hey, I don't need people and I'll be happier without them!"--maybe hypomanic. And so on. This sounds very likely. Thank you for taking the time to consider and suggest it.

In all my researching I still haven't found anything about what an unstable sense of self feels like, and I'm still hoping someone here will describe it.

[BlueWhisky]

I just have to look at my CV to know what it is... Jumping from job to job and volunteering role to mad entrepreneurial project etc etc and back again. Changing hair every week. Taking piercings in and out. Having a new best friend every six months. Big big hugs to you x

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by tentoedsloth

Thanks, CANDC. You don't know me (yet?)--I'm the mad scientist researcher and have read a LOT about bipolar since the diagnosis. (It was kind of you to post all those links, though.)

But I hadn't though about the social/antisocial phases being an alternation of manic (hypomanic) and depressive. When I've been wildly social and then have become very unhappy with it--maybe depressive. Then when I think, "Hey, I don't need people and I'll be happier without them!"--maybe hypomanic. And so on. This sounds very likely. Thank you for taking the time to consider and suggest it.

In all my researching I still haven't found anything about what an unstable sense of self feels like, and I'm still hoping someone here will describe it.

I think you describe an unstable sense of self very well:

When I've been wildly social and then have become very unhappy with it--maybe depressive. Then when I think, "Hey, I don't need people and I'll be happier without them!"--maybe hypomanic.

[BlueWhisky]

I think insecurity and paranoia play a big part too. "I did something I perceive to be wrong as this self so I will jump to a new one." I know it's like that for me.

[Starling.]

I'm not quite sure. I relate to what you say about sometimes being more social. I am much more sociable, outgoing, talkative when my mood is 'high' and then when I'm low I will be quieter and more withdrawn, and may end up regretting some of the things that I did. I'm unsure if that is an 'unstable sense of self' though, as none of the fundamental things about me actually change, it's just that it depends on my mood how outgoing I am, but I still care about the same things/people, know what I believe in, what I like and don't like and so on. It's just that everything happens on a bigger scale when my mood is up! I have never considered myself to have an unstable sense of self; I know who I am.

Regardless of what you call it, it sounds like it's very distressing for you. Do you have a therapist or someone you can discuss it with?

[Living Dead Guy]

I'm not a psycologist so I'm probably wrong. But I've always seen my switches from introvert to extrovert as part of my manic depressive states. I see the unstable sense of self as Liking country music and wanting to own a farm one week then listening lots of CCR and being filled with the desire to move to a hippy commune, or wanting to be a writer who is wrapped up in the fictional world of his own making.

My likes and dislikes as well as the way I think and act all seems to change. There is no me but simply hundreds of masks that I use to face the world trying to find acceptance.

[Perna]

I think basically an unstable sense of self is taking your clues from around you, other people, instead of asking (and answering) what you want to do or pursue from true knowledge of yourself. So, with your group joining/quitting thing, you get the idea to be social but you don't really engage with other people; instead of being linked to people like part of a chain, you are just attached, like a magnet? If the piece of metal loses its attraction, the magnet falls off.

I have joined organizations, gone to work or school, etc. and been part of a cause and as part of that activity I have become friends with people and they remain my friends even now, long after the activity. If you look at my Facebook page, it is people I actually "know" and 95% of them I have met in real life or have been friends with for 5-10 years online. When I first was on Facebook it was primarily to play the game Mafia Wars and I had over 1000 "friends" :-) but now I have 90ish and don't play games anymore but interact with my friends in more personal ways. My school friends from the 1960s are on there and my work friends from the 70's and 80's as well as online friends from other sites where we are friends both on the other sites and, by our actual selves/names on Facebook. Being friends in a surface way where they come and go depending on the activity is not the same as getting to know a person and letting a person know you such that it is the friendship that is more important than the activity.

If one thinks, "I want to participate in this activity" more often than, "I want to be with and get to know this person" (especially one's Self) one's sense of self is about things or events (I like to go to school, I like to run in marathons, I like to party, I like to read books, I like to volunteer. . .) and a person cannot identify as/with these things over time because they are outside one's self and our interests change. Too, one gets stuck in the I like to party/I like to read books conflict and how they are generally mutually exclusive. I have a good sense of humor and enjoy laughing and making others laugh. That does not change whether I am partying or reading a book. I enjoy making laughing "at" myself and my predicament and I enjoy it when my husband and other family members and friends laugh "at" me (as my husband taught me, he does not laugh at me, he enjoys me) or when I can think of something funny to write here. That is part of who I am and that is stable over time and activity.