I am so unbelievably, unbearably, all-consumably lonely these days that I'm afraid it's going to swallow me up. It doesn't matter if I do have friends in my life, I don't feel like they really validate or are super concerned about me as a person, just me as a sometimes companion in hanging out. I feel invisible to others unless I'm doing something for them. I want to create a scene so that people will see and hear me, but would that really do anything besides make people think I'm a crazy person? No.

I don't think most people are aware of what it has taken me, all my life, since I was a child, to just survive. I don't think people are aware of how much I am hurting on a daily basis--probably because I have this wry, sarcastic sense of humor (which I've heard is a healthy coping mechanism) that they want more of. And when I tell them, honestly, that I'm struggling they just think that I'm having your average case of the blah's and tell me something trite and leave it at that.

I know who I am, I know what my life is. I know that I will always struggle with relationships and I know that I will never fully fit in with people the way that I want simply because of what I've been through; I don't identify with most people. I know that, in some ways, that makes me a unique and actually quite interesting person. But that doesn't make it hurt any less.

[dancinglady]

Welcome to our world. Fasten your seat belts and hold on for the ride. My experience is that it does not get better I jusr radically accept my lonely life.

Okay.

I'm just going to say it: There is positivity in life. Even in my down times (like now) I see positivity. I have people I love, who love me. I am lonely, sure. They don't totally understand me, no. But they love me. My post was me coming on here and (healthfully) venting out some frustration about feeling out of place, which I do because I am out of place. No one I know has lived the life I have lived. It is only natural that I don't identify with them. My hope in posting was to have some interaction, maybe a little positive, with other people on here. I know we aren't a positive bunch--god knows I'm usually not. But I can't handle nihilism. I'm sorry you feel this way; I don't.

Radically accepting a lonely life means accepting it and moving on. Posting about taking street drugs to cope is not acceptance. I'm sorry to be blunt and I'm probably going to get this thread shut down, but I feel that you've made it abundantly clear via PM that you don't like or want to communicate with me, and I think that's best. That isn't me being super BPD, that is just me setting boundaries.

[Trippin2.0]

IKWYM...

I've been feeling misplaced, left out and super sensitive over the past few weeks.


Many times I also believe my friends just keep me around because they get something out of it, not because its ME they want around.


A few times I've cancelled and shut them out.


Idk what triggered it this time, even at work, people I'm usually close to, I feel invisible, like they tolerate me, but when I withdraw, they notice immediately and ask what's wrong, and I try and convince myself I'm being silly.


And yes, I've wanted an emergency or something drastic too, then I thought "attention ***** much?" And put that thought away.


Thing is, like you, I know these feelings aren't a 100% true reflection of my life. I know these people like me and love me, but on the surface, I don't really see nor feel it right now.


So what did I do?


Forcibly socialize.


I believe its called "Opposite Actions".... It's helped quite a bit actually.


I'm sorry we're in very similar boats, but I know sailing will be smoother one of these days. We just have to weather the storms, and best to do it together.