[Crazy Hitch]

I used to think this:

I used to think that it was a bit similar to the whole concept of what goes around comes around.

As in well forgive and forget competely those who rightly or wrong (as you perceived it) hurt you - intentionally or unintentionally - their opinion of you doesn't matter.

Sigh.

I don't believe that anymore. I have not stopped crying.

I believe this:

Regardless of how rightly / wrongly you perceive people to have intentionally/unintentionally hurt you, no matter what efforts you go through in order to heal the emotional damage caused by a person / event - trying to process it - trying to make sense of something that doesn't make sense in the first place - will wreck you even further emotionally.

I don't think I've emotionally damaged myself as badly as I have these last 3 months by caring and believing in other people as much as I ever have in my life.

It cost me absolutely everything.

A-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y everything that I had left inside of me to show that once, maybe just once, I had accomplished something.

That I will never be allowed back.

And in so helping these people it helped me, at the time, to heal.

But today?

It has smashed my heart to pieces.

My heart can't repair the damage that this has caused to me.

And yet time for these people that I helped - they simply moves on as if I never existed in the first place?

I did not know that was even possible?

My brain simply can not make sense of this?

How?

I'm shattered.

I can't even trust my own throughts anymore.

I don't know how I became such a mess so quickly.

[Fuzzybear]

Caring and believing in some people too much. . I can relate. This has happened to me too. . re justice, I have plenty of thoughts but won't even begin to address them here

"never existed" it feels like that at times, maybe it's their issue

But I understand the pain

(in peace)

Fuzzy

[Kimaya]

Yeah... Reap what you sow. Its a nice idea...
Truth is you may scream yourself hoarse trying to give some idea of what you are feeling to another person, but the people who do those things can never hear you, they will never listen, and they will never understand. They are too stupid to have empathy in the wake of their destructive passing.

Best advice I can give is to only do things you want to do for you, never expect anyone to recognize it or care. If you enjoy helping others and getting nothing in return then great. If not its gonna be pain.

I gave up trying to get recognition for hard work, and now I make sure whatever I work on brings me enjoyment or benefit even if it gets ignored or never used. It helps me stay sane.

[Crazy Hitch]

Yeah I wish I had an on / off switch for caring about people too Fuzzy. It would be great if I could just flick the "off" switch when it's convenient for me. But unfortunately I just can't

Kimaya - so true when you say - "Only do things you want to do for you" - that's my lesson learnt - if I'm not in it to win it for myself, then simply stated I won't do it (I'm not meaning that in some kind of arrogant way or anything - it's just about me being more sensible about the choices that I make).

[Kimaya]

Right, and you will still be able to help others if it brings you gratification, as long as you get something out off too should your actions go unnoticed or underappreciated.

Doing art for others really helped me build this muscle.