[Chuva]

Hi,

I’m new here and I have already introduced myself in the Introductions section, but I wanted to share my story in here as well, as I feel I do belong here.

I was first diagnosed with Major Depression in 2002, at 20 – at the time I also had Generalized Anxiety Disorder and later Panic Disorder. Then in 2005 I went to one of the most famous psychiatrists in Italy and he diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder because I had a hypomanic episode following treatment with an older antidepressant. Other doctors later confirmed this diagnosis, even though none of them has ever looked very convinced, but I guess they didn’t want to contradict the great professor who originally diagnosed me. Who knows. Anyway, some months ago I was told I have in fact a double diagnosis, Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder.

I must say I feel like I fit very well in the BPD diagnosis, indeed I remember suggesting 10 years ago to various psychiatrists that I might have the disorder. Actually at the time I had all the 9 symptom listed by the DSM for the disorder. Now I have less of them.

To cut a long story short, I don’t know what/who I am anymore. I know a psychiatric label/mental illness cannot define me, but I so much need to be defined – I always do, like I hadn’t any identity of my own.

Anyway, I am waiting for a consultation in a renowned center in Rome, probably the most renowned for the treatment of personality disorders. They should call me soon to go and see a doctor there who will either confirm or deny my current diagnosis. We’ll see. I’m looking forward to it. I want to know what I need to do with myself.

Thanks for reading my story.

[CANDC]

Hi Chuva, glad you will be working with center for treatment of personality disorder. Part of getting better may be choosing life style changes that lead to more positive results. Part of what helps me is high protein, low carb diet, yoga, mindfulness, exercises and creative expression.

So glad you joined the Psych Central community. I have felt it is a safe and nurturing environment. Hope you feel comfortable here too.

Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems though still there are more manageable.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[Chuva]

A secretary called me today from the center in Rome. I have an appointment for the 11th June with one of the major Italian psychiatrists, an expert in personality disorders. I don't know that I will be able to wait two more weeks, I'm so anxious I feel like I'm going to explode. But hey, there's not much I can do, is it?

I'm afraid the pdoc is going to tell me I'm a fraud, I have nothing, I'm just a wimp. I don't know why. I've been suffering for 13 years at the very least, something HAS to be there, hasn't it?

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi Chuva

Yeah it can sometimes be challenging to spot the difference between when our mood states might emulate from Bipolar or from being Borderline.

I was actually only diagnosed Borderline last year at the age of 36 so yip, not even psychiatrists can spot it because it can be that complex sometimes as it was in me, personally because I just have so much going on which is why it wasn't originally diagnosed - I've been diagnosed many years as Bipolar as my manic episodes were pretty easy for psychiatrists to see which is what masked my own Borderline symptoms.

I hope in your case you are able to get swift clarity between the two by your treating medical practitioner, I am sure you can if you. Please don't worry about being called a fraud. I know it's pretty scary and you have called yourself a "wimp" but please don't be hard on yourself. That is what psychiatrists are there for, to help us. 13 years of suffering is long enough.

May you get the much deserved peace that you need.

I found this great blog here on Psych Central for you.

You might want to have a quick read:

Difference between Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder | Bipolar Beat

[Chuva]

Thanks Hooligan, the article you linked is very interesting. I still don't understand where I stay, but I'm confident the new doctor will know what to tell me. I'm still afraid he might call me a fraud, but I'm prepared to accept his diagnosis.

[Crazy Hitch]

Best wishes in finding the answer that you seek

Let us know how it goes.

[Row Jimmy]

You sound a lot like me. I started with BP and just got another added diagnosis of Cluster B (not yet defined) Personality Disorder. My p-doc is great - very funny, smart, and likeable. He's not quite ready to specifically define what's wrong with me or give me a firm diagnosis yet. He's probably still working it all out. I just have some faith I'm pointed in the right direction. I take Depakote which seems to cover a lot of stuff relative to keeping me even. I'm much more interested in fixing the problem right now. I just tell people who give a bleep that I have a mild form of BP with a blended personality disorder.......and not many people I know give a bleep so that's not a problem for me either.

[Row Jimmy]

BTW - I used to think the same way. "Am I just a jerk? Am I making all of this up? Can I just not take it like other people? "

My perspective is different now. I am learning that I have a complex set of issues and I'm learning how to cope and improve.

[Chuva]

Hi guys,

I had the appointment I mentioned on 11th June, the one with the famous psychiatrist. He says I have all the symptoms of BPD, while he doesn't think I am bipolar at all. I have to go back next Thursday to make all the necessary tests in order to confirm the diagnosis, but he was pretty sure it is BPD.

I'm quite relieved, I have to say, as I have been thinking I was BPD for the past 10 years. But at the same time I'm quite angry, because if I had known earlier I would have been able to find the right therapist for me. The doctor advised me to go and have the therapy in Rome, where they use DBT. I'm still thinking it over, as it is 2 and a half hours from where I live, but I think I will say yes. In any case I won't be able to start before September.

Just wanted to let you know.