[misfit77]

Hi Everyone,
I felt the need to write, for a good reason for once. Having suffered with depression pretty much my whole life, I was finally diagnosed with BPD about a year and a half ago. I started DBT one-on-one with my therapist. In the beginning he said that he didn't think medication would really help me. I had gone to him because I had completely crashed mentally and thought "here we go again" time to change meds once again and that's when he tested me for BPD.

I have had a lot of "ah ha" moments in my therapy, but it's been different than before when I had seen therapists. It's not going back into my history and making peace with it-it's saying "it is what it is" (or it was what it was). What I have noticed now is that my rational brain jumps in quite a bit and puts me in place.

The thing that is really encouraging is that I am feel really good mood wise lately, all while decreasing my SSRI (Zoloft this time). I have had some anxiety, some days that were not so good, but over all my mood is much better. I have also been trying to get pregnant - which at 37 brings with it all kinds of worries when it doesn't happen-and now that it hasn't happened for another month, I am not destroyed. I felt some anger, some sadness and recognized that they are appropriate emotions. When I saw someone on Facebook posted a picture of an ultrasound of their third child being due in December (the same month mine would have been due if I didn't have an early miscarriage in March) I was upset, I was jealous and that voice came into my head that said "it's not fair, they already have two and you don't have any" and then I told that voice...life isn't fair...them being pregnant and you not being pregnant has nothing to do with fair...my baby probably had something very wrong with it...that's all, it died, it's sad, but it happened and I can't change it. I can just focus on continuing to improve my health so I can have a healthy one.

I don't know if I will keep my mind set like this always. In the past I have gone through good mood times. I still have a bit of fear that this is just one of them...though really, I think I have learned so much that I can't see it getting as bad. That voice inside my head that used to tell me that life isn't fair, etc...it's now being silenced by a more rational one.

So anyway, I wanted to share that with you all, to give you some hope. Even writing this still scares me somewhat because my rational brain hasn't quite stopped being superstitious when things are going good. lol.

[Crazy Hitch]

Thanks for sharing this with us misfit

[Pierro]

I know how you feel, when you think everything is good you are waiting for the tsunami!