craving interactions, craving aliveness, confused.

Hi, I've been thinking about the possibility of BPD since a member from this forum has commented in my thread (in Bipolar) that for his own opinion I'm more likely a BPD than Cyclothymic.

Well, to start off - I function high enough and maintain somewhat balance life externally, but internally I'm going through a hell of ride in recent months.
I had been depressed in February due to long exam session, that also has been provoked because I still haven't recovered from last year's Summer exams because we had few months of war in Israel and that was so stressful.

Internally - I'm going through radical ups and downs, though no mania and no severe depression. I think many of my mood swings are affected by environmental factors, social situations, which is more like bpd ? or maybe it just a one of the factors but not what is ultimately 'triggering' since I was always sensitive to the external world events.

I like being the center of attention, or at least have a mutual attention with other beings, if when in a social situation I find myself kinda NOT in the business .. I'm likely to feel uncomfortable and wasted, either I'm bored or disappointed.

I don't think I rage at people and snap 'randomly'.

I had this weird mood swing yday. I was hypomanic with friends, doing some homework together in friend's apartment, then we went to get some food. I was ecstatic the whole time, singing, dancing, jumping, restless, happy, loving, hugging, Omgosh, but they know me for a while, and they found it bit overwhelming, since minute 1 (Lol). After like 4 hours or so, I suddenly got hit by this wave of depression ..
I couldn't say a word, I was sad. I didn't feel nor think that it has anything to do with them thinking of me as overwhelming/rejecting me. I honestly felt sad, then we say goodbye and I drove home, I could barely drive faster than 90 km/h, I just wanted to get to my bed.

Day before that, same thing. I had therapist session in which after 20 minute I felt catatonic-depressed, I couldn't say a word, it felt hard, heavy, sad, I was crying from inside but no tears outside. I felt possessed by the unending emptiness. It went like this most of the day, but then at midnight, I 'woke' up and went hyper and freaking happy, moving, driving fast, elevating the mood of others, partying, spending money, food beers icecream whatnot, music, yeehaw.

I can't makes sense out of it. what the duck...

I was once told by a psychiatrist that she is under the impression I have cyclothymia but it wasn't an official diagnosis and stuff...

I feel I'm getting crazier n crazier with time...and
I just want to know.

You've raised some interesting points.

I hope that you get the answers that you seek.

I always say, when in doubt, best to bring your concerns up with your treating medical practitioner for a possible assessment / screening in order to get a diagnosis (or not).

Best wishes to you moving forward.

I'm trying to tell my therapist that I might need to visit the psychiatrist because I'm getting unstable and crazy with time... but I always seem to talk about different topics.

Also, I don't like the psychiatrists in this clinic, they look sad, bitter, unsatisfied with their lives, I don't want to get eval'ed by an uncaring doc who'll just throw a random dx or sth.