[NyxBean]

I put the trigger warning up as I want everybody to feel able to let it all out here, not because I consider what I say to be upsetting. If it is, do let me know as that is a way in which I can learn to treat people with empathy.

"Spiritual Cousin": I don't have BPD as a dx right now and to be honest I don't think I ever will. My 'mother' apparently was diagnosed recently - no contact by me - and she is what I would term an unrepentant or malignant BPD sufferer. I'm going to assume the users of this forum are the self-improving and compassionate types. Anyway, I might have traits which leaked onto me.

The current diagnosis is C-PTSD which, as some of you probably already know, has direct similarities to BPD. I am also a biological female awaiting an autism spectrum evaluation. Women with autism can often be misdiagnosed with BPD at first due to symptoms appearing to be the same at a glance. In this case, it is the "motivation" or triggers for the behaviour which differ whereas in C-PTSD I would imagine that there are connecting emotions. So! I could be a complexly traumatised Aspie.

Please do not think I am placing any dx on a higher priority or anything like that. Everybody's experiences are valid.

What I'm Asking

Today I saw a friend's post which had something to do with a girl who has stopped partying due to her BPD. It's a Vice article and I will likely read it more when I am awake.

Anyway, two women with BPD arrived in the thread. One had been dx recently but only after being seen for an hour and the second had been dx for years and is only now feeling like she's coming to terms with it.

Upon talking to the recently dx chick, I realised how rushed her dx was and was instantly aware about how C-PTSD can act as well as Asperger's and several other issues.

Initially I told her to ask for a second opinion if she wasn't satisfied, then I told her about C-PTSD and inquired as to whether she wanted links. My opinion is that she should follow what the psychiatric professionals felt was best for her but if she wanted, she could have these other possibilities, either to bring up at therapy or consider for herself.

So I decided to make a resource sheet called "So They Say You Have BPD".

I want to do the following:

• Overview BPD (pretty much done)
• Talk about myths and facts (partially done)
• Mention and talk about diagnostic criteria (prob done)
• Talk about the problems attached to the diagnosis in a medical sense (mostly done, pointed out the potential of stigma in some "professionals")
• How people can vary (done-ish)
• Go over differential diagnoses
• Go over comorbid issues
• Talk about interpersonal relationships (she mentioned her husband and kids)
• Talk about the treatments out there
• Try to end on as positive a note as possible while remaining balanced

I think that's what I had so far. I'm telling her to CTRL+F on anything she really needs and I'm supplying several forums, this being one of them.

Now, I can't say I'm an expert but since I have been around so many BPD individuals in my life and I spent a few years feeling like I may be one, I've looked it up and read a lot. I could likely cover these myself but I feel personal experiences, quotes, hints, advice, site suggestions, etc from those who are dx would not only bring more humanity to the subject but would also mean I don't miss anything critical or make a mistake.

The goal of the sheet is to create less stigma and a way to introspect safely and decide on how you feel.

• Is there anything YOU would want included?
• Would you like a quote with your username added?
• Would you be interested in seeing when I am done?
• What is your opinion on the idea of FLEAS?
• Who are some celebs who have "come out" as BPD?
• What are some dos and donts for this?
• Anything else?

I hope I've not upset anybody.

[CopperStar]

I think one of the worst things about having BPD is that the mental health system creates an overall lose-lose situation for you. Overcoming that can be extremely frustrating and difficult.

You often won't be taken seriously unless you are "acting out" such as by self-harming, suicide attempts, drug abuse or other severe self-destructive behaviors. At the same time, if you engage in those behaviors, you're often considered a manipulative lost cause. My last therapist wouldn't even consider that I might have BPD because I wasn't physically fighting people are trying to kill myself. So the message is that if you want to be taken seriously with your issues, you need to engage in extreme behaviors, so that way the system can call you manipulative and tell you to grow up. There is no path where you can be rewarded for self-control and taken seriously at the same time, as far as I have ever seen or experienced.

BPD also more often than not is seen as the cause, rather than as the effects of an underlying cause. Many professionals don't see BPD as a group of symptoms that stem from underlying emotional/psychological damage. Instead they act as though the symptoms are coming from the BPD label itself. Instead of, "The patient wouldn't have BPD (a group of symptoms) if the underlying damage was addressed and healed," they see it as, "The patient wouldn't be engaging in these behaviors if they didn't have BPD." And then furthermore, "But they do have BPD, so that's why they engage in these behaviors." When it should be, "They have BPD and engage in these behaviors because there is underlying damage that needs to be healed and underlying dysfunction that needs to be corrected to healthier coping methods."

[phoenix7]

thoroughly agree with Copperstar - and would love to see the finished sheet.

I can only say that once my psychologist - who was treating me for PTSD also decided that i was a "high functioning BPD" everything changed -

its like was said before - if you are BPD then you do these things and its just acting out -

WRONG - physical harm is a cry for help - its a way to say I cant bear this pain and the only thing that distracts me is doing self harm.

Im a nurse we had a BPD patient - every therapist backed off like she had the plague - yes she did try a few things - but hey so do the"normal" patients -

its like anything you do is ..oh thats the BPD speaking

its NOT it's ME speaking and no-oneis listening ...no wonder some "act out" and then all that gets is - see told you ...... we are not our Diagnosis - the diagnosis is part of our damage or the label for the result of our damage ...

.

[BadWolfC]

I think the reasons that CopperStar listed are exactly why I haven't been formally diagnosed with BPD. I don't like drawing attention to myself, so most people are completely unaware that I have a lot of the behaviors associated with BPD. I also have a bad habit (well, maybe not so bad) of lying to mental health professionals for fear of ending up in a psychiatric hospital because it happened in the past and was a horrible experience. I've only had one competent psychiatrist in the 12 years tthat I've been having to see any for my problems, so that probably adds to it as well. I'm also slightly afraid of how having the actual diagnosis would effect me.

Right now my only diagnosis is Bipolar, and people seem to react better to hearing that than even when I was diagnosed as severely depressed because for some reason people understand that Bipolar is not a self-controllable problem, and they have sympathy for people with it. I don't know why it isn't the same with BPD or even depression, but I've noticed that people with different diagnosis labels are treated differently, even though it's wrong.