[EglantineRose]

So, I talked to some guy online for about 11 months (he ended it by blocking me- we were arguing and I told him I didn't appreciate some of the inappropriate things he had said, and he told me to "F off" and "goodbye"). Even though he wasn't nice at all in the end, I still wrote him an e-mail wishing him good luck and apologizing for the things that I had done wrong (which I now realize he didn't deserve). Anyways, even though I never met him and only spoke to him on the phone once, I am finding it hard to let go. I have found that this has consumed my thoughts for months and months, even though I don't want it to, and now it's even worse that it's over. To be honest, he never had qualities that I would have considered to be appealing. He isn't educated AT ALL, and I am in university. And even talking to him- he seemed kind of unusual and spoke very quickly. He also isn't overly physically attractive, and ALWAYS claimed to be "busy all of the time". But he continued to pursue conversations so I just never let go of him like I should have. I knew all along that I could meet someone much different and better, and yet despite all of the things I don't like about him and how angry he made/makes me, I don't know how to let go and be happy again. To make it worse, talking to this guy affected my progress and happiness.
The fact that this bothers me so much when it definitely shouldn't worries me. I am so glad I never met him because even though I don't know this person, he makes me feel bad, and has since I started talking to him. I put up with so much from him- saying creepy things (like asking if we could sleep together when we meet and if he could see inappropriate pictures, just creepy, especially for me because I'm not that kind of person in any way). I think one of the reasons I kept talking to him is because I knew he had issues and felt some sympathy/understanding toward him given my own situation, but he was always so distant and annoying. Anyways, I just want to let go of this and move on. I'm supposed to be starting school in a few weeks and want to just forget about this. I never would have put up with this a few years ago, and I especially would not have been upset over something like this ending. I think I'm angry because I know I deserve better and this guy acted like a jerk. What is wrong with me? How do I get over this? Does BPD cause this? I know that part of my problem as well is that I don't have much to focus on (I almost will with school and work) so all I do is sit around feeling angry and bitter about things. I apologized to him because I know things weren't only his fault, I wasn't perfect to him in any way either. In the end though I was decent and he wasn't.

[EglantineRose]

Also, if you had to guess, what is this guy's problem? Is he just a jerk, or does it seem like something else is going on with him? I just wonder because he always said he was dealing with "his own issues" etc. and something always seemed off to me.

[valdeneu]

I really get what you're saying here, I have a lot of the same feelings towards my ex. I just can't move on like I know I should.
It seems like this guy is quite similar to my ex, so going on that, I'd say he really just cares about himself and doesn't really consider other people's feelings as being that important.

You say you know you deserve better (and I bet you do), but do you really feel that way? I know that for me I know I deserved better, but I don't really feel like anyone better is going to come along for me.

I'm wondering if maybe you keep thinking about it because you feel it's affected your progress and happiness - so he's had a fairly big impact on your life, which makes it seem really important. But is it really as important as it feels? This may have affected you for the last 11 months, but maybe think about the next 11 months, does it really have much of an effect then? Maybe your progress was affected in the last 11 months, but for the next 11 months you could progress fabulously, unimpeded by having such a negative person in your life.

I wish I had a solution for you, but to be honest if I had one for you I'd have one for myself...but I just want you to know that I understand how you feel.

[CopperStar]

It was a stranger on the internet. He was probably just looking to hook up or get some nekked pics, and when you clearly were not down with that, he lost interest, felt rejected and stomped off in a snit. Oh well. Maybe you're stuck processing the fact that you emotionally invested in a stranger on the internet for almost a year, only to find out that they just wanted to get in your pants. So maybe now you're chest puffing a bit, doing the whole "well I could always do better than him, anyway" thing. It's okay to be angry. The main thing you should focus on IMO is, what can you learn from this experience? Like, not emotionally investing in people over the internet. Or, you being the one to walk away when a 'friend' wants you to share naked pictures of yourself online. It sounds like you were trying to squeeze water out of a rock or something, like if you just put enough emotional effort into it, then that would produce a truly good friend. Doesn't really work that way, though. People are who they are, and you have to give time for a person to teach you about him/herself. Maybe you are at least half-angry with yourself for not walking away when you were disrespected. Life is an endless learning experience, though. Learn from this and go forward wiser than you were before.

[EglantineRose]

I know he was only a stranger. I think a lot of things influenced how I felt about this situation- the fact that I don't have any friends or anyone else, the fact that I have been under a lot of stress and just not feeling well. Part of me is angry at myself for not realizing sooner what a jerk he really is and not stopping communication from the beginning, when he made me uncomfortable. It was sympathy that kept me communicating, but I should have known better. I was mean to this person at times, so I did the right thing and I apologized, even though he was really rude in the end. He almost always made me upset or angry. Even thinking about this now does, even though it's been a couple of weeks without communication. Honestly, the thought of this being anything more than just helping this guy made me angry. He wasn't responding to my messages most of the time. So much about him and that situation made me upset. Part of me is worried that the way I interacted with him is how I could end up interacting with other people, but then again, he tried to make ME feel guilty, when he was far from perfect. I've never felt so much anger toward anybody before, especially a stranger. I'm just upset because he told me "you need to figure your ***** out before you ever interact with another human being", but I'm
not like that with anyone besides this person.
It's funny because the last time we messaged each other he told me "at least I have someone willing to meet me after a week and not 11 months" (what a jerk, right?) and I can't help but to think how disappointed he is going to be when he realizes that THAT girl won't want to meet him because of how he acts. I just keep thinking karma- he'll get exactly what he deserves, and that will be being alone for a very long time. I am not losing much from this. I never felt comfortable with the idea of meeting him, his lifestyle, and especially his family situation (according to what he told me, he basically spends all of his time taking care of his sister and her child- cooking, cleaning, etc.). He always claimed to be "too busy" because of this, and I know that anyone he dates is going to be pushed aside for this reason, and they won't stick around. I think it's nice to help out your family, but they seem really needy and clingy. I am smart and in time I will meet someone who is kind and respectful. I'm just glad I never made the mistake of meeting this guy. I know I can do better, which he even told me at times. I always wondered what I was doing in that situation, because I am way smarter than this.

[Fuzzybear]