[rubabe]

So recently I saw the CMHRS and they dismissed me under the condition that I "did not meet the criteria for significant or enduring mental health problems". Naturally I was pretty livid, having been misguided, dismissed and not taken seriously for the last 4 years since my mental health problems started. At the moment I am being treated for depression (on Mirtazapine).

Anyway they sent me my case notes, and seeing them written down clearly has reinforced my long-term suspicion that I in fact have BPD. Which would explain their dismissive nature of my case... (methodical stigmatisation).

I was wondering what you guys think? I'm not sure whether to seek a diagnosis, since now they have dismissed me I will have to go private (very expensive). But I see it as important to know what's wrong with me so I can deal with it effectively.

I show most classic BPD traits. Instability of interpersonal relationships (I will cheat on my boyfriends a minimum of 3 times, suicidal thoughts really only come into play when they are late/want to leave me, I have a distant father etc), instability of emotions, self-conception (perpetually ambivalent, change my likes/dislikes like the wind, continual identity crisis), obsession with sex/love to the extent of being considered promiscuous, anger/long-term sadness, emptiness. I am less severe on self-harm and impulsivity, these things more often relate to a man. I'm pretty good at hiding my bad side from friends, usually because I keep them at arms length. I haven't had a platonic friend in a really long time.

I feel like I am in a constant state of stress and I don't know what to do about it. I've always felt I've had innumerable problems, but I think BPD would explain them all as a whole, in relation to eachother. There is, of course, the case that I don't have BPD. When I am medicated I am still depressed, but much less emotionally sensitive. I could just be an individual with an unstable personality.

So I'm just opening a discussion to see if anyone else has had this experience, especially of questioning the nature of their disorder.

[Tauren]

I don't know what CMHRS is. Since you're getting antidepressants, I guess you still have access to mental health care? What would change if you were diagnosed by CMHRS?