[Tauren]

I try to be supportive of my friend who was diagnosed with Emotional Intensity Disorder, but it can be so exhausting "walking on eggshells" all the time. It doesn't help that she's in a really unstable situation that would be stressful for ANYONE, let alone someone with this condition.

She is medicated and in therapy.

[CopperStar]

Just generally being a good listener and not taking it personally when they are upset, can be very supportive. It is also helpful if you have strong boundaries, like for example not tolerating it if anger does turn into personal attacks, just ending it gracefully with something like, "We can talk when you are not as upset." This will diminish the aftermath-guilt that we usually have after a really bad ragey outburst, and also makes it easier to apologize when we're calm, since we know that you understood we were freaking out and protected yourself. People with BPD struggle really badly with invalidation, so having someone who actually listens to us can be very soothing and also help ground us, give us more opportunity to establish a sense of self. This is typically part of what therapy is for, but receiving it in reasonable amounts from friends is also very helpful.

[Chuva]

Tauren, I am reading a very interesting book, Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship: Shari Y. Manning PhD, Marsha M. Linehan PhD ABPP: 9781593856076: Amazon.com: Books. You might want to check it out.

[Tauren]

Thanks, I will look for that book.
She just gets in these moods where she interprets everything as an attack, and I never see it coming. She always calms down and apologizes later but it's so stressful.

[Wysteria]

Usually calm honesty is the best approach I think...tell her if she is upset by something you did or said to come to you for either clarification or reassurance. It's when we get triggered and go to another place that things get rough...so reassure her that you want to be a friend and recognize when she does well or if she is not sure of her gut feelings, try to validate them. When she crosses a boundary of yours, which you have to have, then say so calmly and explain how she can fix it and model good friendship skills. Most of all, keep yourself healthy and ask her in advance what things you can ask her to do to calm herself when she is getting too upset or getting your upset....like "what calming techniques help you when you get overwhelmed?" sorts of questions in ADVANCE of the situation...then ask her to use them or help her to...we all just need some love. It's not really that complicated in the end. Just think of her as a very sensitive soul that may not read faces/situations/relationship cues well... I'm glad she has a friend willing to care enough to ask...
Gentle hugs if accepted,
Wysteria

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for this thread
(sorry this reply is so late, just finally catching up on some reading here)
(trying to communicate with a "treatment team" IRL who got things horribly wrong for too long )