[estrella]

One thing that bothers me the most when researching BPD is when I find so many resources for families dealing with a memeber who has borderline personality.

The reason is because, growing up, all I had was my family: my mom and two brothers. Our mother dealt with bipolar, borderline, and PTSD, though poorly. My dad (I'm adopted, just to clarify from any misleading information elsewhere) believes she brainwashed all three of us growing up, but especially my older brother. My entire life, seemingly, I've been denied the help and support from my mother and older brother. It's only been recently that my younger brother escaped my family portrait.

I, too, have bipolar, borderline, and PTSD, and have very intense moments of disassociation relating to my personality disorder (unsure sense of self and an alter ego who has been named).

My problem is getting help, and I started therapy again. But what about when I can't sleep and I begin to lose myself in thought? I go to search for answers, only to be confronted with what I take away as "my fault." Families need to learn how to deal with those with BPD because of how dangerous we are. When I'm losing interest in all human interactions, because I've been denied and "blamed" for my family denying me because of this disorder.

Suppose I'm the quiet type of borderline, but manipulative all the same. Sigh.

Sorry, just had a bad night.

[WibblyWobbly]

I have all three as well. PTSD comes with a lot of guilt and shame, especially if your family is toxic or not supportive. Try journaling before bed to get the negative thoughts out. I also use guided meditations on YouTube to clear my mind and help me sleep.

[Fuzzybear]

[CopperStar]

Well in a way, communities meant for support of family members with a relative with a PD, are still communities for people with PDs. Because usually when you have a PD, at least one (if not both) of your parents had/has a PD, too. It's just that often while you are going through self-work, they are still in denial.

I went through the transition, myself. Started out on communities for people with PD parents. Then I got to the point of acknowledging that I inherited PD issues from growing up in that environment, decided to start focusing on my own self-work, and left those pastures for ones focused on people with PDs for my own sake.

[smartiesparty]

Yes i have noticed this too. There are so many people with bpd and every person lives it differents and has different reactions. Some of these resources literally 'pervert' the illness, they show bpd sufferers as people who only want to do harm and most sites give advice on what partners and close family should do to 'protect' themselves from the 'bad evil BPD person'. Some websites and documents don't even describe the intense mental pain, the fear and why BPD sufferers do hurtful, sometimes harmful things.

[technigal]

When I was diagnosed my husband went online to find support or just information for families. Everything he read said to divorce immediately. We are still married two years later so he didn't take the advice. He was angry for me.

[TryingToMoveForward]

I'm bipolar and have PTSD with dissociative features as well as as being BPD. So you are in good, sympathetic company here.

My mother is possibly bipolar, and I know for a fact she was borderline. She's calmed down in recent year because she's in her 50s. But it was bad. I have PTSD trauma from it. The way I see it, I was abused and forced to deal with her BS my entire life. So I think they can learn how to deal with me. I'm trying to be more empathic though, and really people with this disorder ARE extremely difficult to deal with and handle. I get that. I'll concede to that, because I have a hard time handling myself. People don't understand how hard it is for US to cope with own own disorder.

My family has always treated me like I'm selfish and the cause of my own illnesses. But personality disorders become evident in childhood or adolescence and are results of a disconnect between child and parent. And they are almost always learned. So. Who's fault is it? Your parents. If they don't like it, tell them they should have gotten help for their own issues a long time ago. They helped make you into the person you are today. Regardless of who's fault it is, and maybe it doesn't matter so much, I don't want you to hate your parents and go all rage on them. I'm sure they tried to do their best given their circumstances and own upbringing. But they need to know they are culpable for some of this. It's just up to you to get better and work through your anger. That's what I'm trying to do and it is not easy.

Developing empathy helps.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by estrella

One thing that bothers me the most when researching BPD is when I find so many resources for families dealing with a memeber who has borderline personality. ...

One of the first things I remember hearing about BPD was to not read "Stop Walking on Eggshells" if you had it because it had made people feel suicidal. With BPD and NPD (which are really the only things you can find much support on) it's almost always geared toward loved ones who are "surviving" us. Like we are just these horrible, evil tornados that come through and wreck good people's lives. For BPD what has helped me is reading memoirs and blogs of people who actually have BPD. I love Stacy Pershall's book "Loud in the House of Myself" and also "The Buddha and the Borderline." Plus reading this message board has helped a lot too. Too many internet resources act like we aren't human beings and it isn't right.

[estrella]

Thank each and every single one of you. Reading your responses made me feel better. I anticipated negative reaponses, but it's good to find the same supportive community. Hugs.