[TishaBuv]

I read that a trait of BPD is Vilifying your exes, and I am thinking about if I do that.

First off, if your exes weren't somewhat bad to you, well would they still be with you?

Second, what does vilifying mean? That they are villains? Definition:

(in a film, novel, or play) a character whose evil actions or motives are important to the plot.
"the terrorists are cartoon villains"
synonyms: criminal, lawbreaker, offender, felon, convict, malefactor, wrongdoer; gangster, gunman, thief, robber; rogue, reprobate, ruffian, hoodlum; miscreant, scoundrel; malfeasant; informalcrook, con, bad guy, baddie, lowlife; datedcad, knave; archaicblackguard
"my favorite Disney villain was Cruella"

Well, I did have a couple of exes who were scoundrels, rogues, ruffians, low life's, felons, and bad guys...

[gayleggg]

I vilified a few of mine directly after we broke up but my opinion mellowed out after a while and I saw them more objectively.

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[kamikazebaby]

Vilifying someone is basically demonizing him/her.

I wouldn't say I do. I do try to be angry with them and think of only the bad things so that I can get some distance and hopefully love them less. My problem is that I still love people even when I've been treated badly.

[estrella]

Maybe it's wrong to say to say this, but if I don't like how I'm being treated, more than likely I will vilify them. Whatever they did and, in some instances, didn't do will taint my image of them. After the break up, my mind settles on the bad only--totally blacking out from what I may have done. Still, I won't like being treated badly or demeaned and that overrides everything. I will not at all be on speaking terms with them and I will dislike/hate them. Eventually, my poison wears off, and I will be okay with the person to an extent, but not what they did or didn't do to me or for me.

I thinks that's how I vilify others-- dwelling on their mistakes and not seeing past them, as if I haven't made my own.

[Serzen]

No, I don't like doing that. They are great people and don't deserve it.

And even if they did that to me I wouldn't mind, I love laughing at myself.

[SierraK85]

I haven't done that with any of mine, except my ex-wife, who all of my friends say I'm justified in doing so because she actually was a horrible person. When I push my friends away I generally... like, I'll demonize them to myself so I don't have to deal with feeling guilty and all the other stuff.

[SierraK85]

I don't do it with my exes, but I do tend to do it with ex-friends, but it's mostly, like, internal? I don't know if it's a coping mechanism or something but they /have/ to become my enemy.

[Seraphine]

To be fair many borderlines attract malignant and abusive types, who get away with redirecting the issues as being *just the bpd lashing out * etc. My ex literally was a cheating, emotionally abusive a**hole, and kidnapped my daughter for 8 years. He is well deserving of vilification.

[BadWolfC]

I've only really felt that way about one of my exes, and he was emotionally and physically abusive so I wouldn't exactly call it "vilifying" him... I just finally started to see him for what he actually was.

On the other hand, the first boyfriend I ever had vilified me (spread nasty rumors, convinced himself that our relationship fell apart due to my "insanity"). I've never been able to hold any of that against him, even though it made me wish I was dead. He was the first person I ever really cared about, and I've never been capable of hating him. I probably never will.

[ThunderGoddess]

I only do that with people who actually treated me badly.

[TishaBuv]

I do not do the black and white thinking and I do not vilify. Everything is 50 Shades of Gray. So those BPD traits are not me. I see not all Borderlines do it either. Thanks for your honesty!

[TishaBuv]

True love's kiss?

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I read that a trait of BPD is Vilifying your exes, and I am thinking about if I do that.

First off, if your exes weren't somewhat bad to you, well would they still be with you?

Second, what does vilifying mean? That they are villains? Definition:

(in a film, novel, or play) a character whose evil actions or motives are important to the plot.
"the terrorists are cartoon villains"
synonyms: criminal, lawbreaker, offender, felon, convict, malefactor, wrongdoer; gangster, gunman, thief, robber; rogue, reprobate, ruffian, hoodlum; miscreant, scoundrel; malfeasant; informalcrook, con, bad guy, baddie, lowlife; datedcad, knave; archaicblackguard
"my favorite Disney villain was Cruella"

Well, I did have a couple of exes who were scoundrels, rogues, ruffians, low life's, felons, and bad guys...

Only my two exes that were NPD but one I'm convinced had anti-social PD not NPD. Other than that I'm friends with a lot of my exes. One I go visit every few years and stay with her & her wife. I'm fb friends with my ex-husband and went to see his band play when he was about three hours away from me. One is still my best friend and I go stay with her for the weekend every 2-3 months. So I guess turning your ex into a bad guy/villain might be part of the black and white thinking of BPD but not necessarily.

[nicoleflynn]

What the x did to me is in my memoir.....100 sick, abusive, crazy stuff. As a matter of fact it was in the newspaper: I was interviewed and told the truth.

[Unrigged64072835]

I do at first. Eventually I chill out and let them go.