[Fuzzybear]

I'm feeling very empty and as if nothing will improve I've made choices which on looking back I would have chosen differently. I've spoken, when distressed, to the wrong people IRL (long ago) without thoroughly researching my "options" beforehand and without walking out at the first sign of disrespect. And without showing my distress in the "correct" way, maybe crying as soon as I started speaking. I didn't do this. (Bad fuzzy ) So maybe I am a "failure" . It's so hard to trust anyone IRL, I no longer wish to tolerate being abused by people who are supposed to help (IRL)

[cryingontheinside]

Sorry that your feeling this way. I hope you feel better soon. Pm me any time , hugs

Sent from my GT-S6810P using Tapatalk

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks
Does anyone have any tips on how to, or how not to, talk to "professionals" IRL or relatives IRL? I'm tired of the ignorance that seems so prevalent in society.

I would much rather avoid the "professionals" .... That's partly how I ended up in this painful (understatement) spot, I put up with the bare minimum of "care" as I felt that "begging" for help was completely degrading, and of course if some "professionals" are challenged on their "opinion" ....
(Disgusted in the UK, disgusted by myself too )

[Fuzzybear]

PS I have a book on DBT (haven't got far with it yet...)

This forum seems so quiet

[Frankbtl]

Hi Fuzzy,

You're right it is a little quiet but hopefully you'll gradually get some more replies
But please don't blame yourself for the "choices" you made in the past, you were vulnerable and it was their responsibility to help you, so naturally you expected that help to come, why shouldn't you???!!!
They were at fault, not you!!!
In fact, kudos to you for reaching out for support!!!

And for now........talking to professionals........well I'd say that you have the perfect attitude from things you've said.........you know that you have a right to the support you need, that you should be treated respectfully, that it can't be assumed that they are always right........and Fuzzy, let that come across to them if they aren't giving you what you should be getting.
And..........I'm so sorry if you've already been doing this.......but be prepared, take detailed notes with you, tell them why/how/when certain things you've been advised aren't working, tell them exactly what you need from them, have them give you a detailed action plan with what to do if things aren't working (fall back plan). So lots of specifics while still getting across how things are for you.
And if you're having problems with them "taking it/you seriously" then visably take notes during the meeting......even refer back to past notes.........so they know that "you're monitoring the support you're given".

As for family..........well that can be hard sometimes too
I don't know if there are any situation where you could write down exactly how it is for you for them to reflect on before the "conversations"........that way there isn't the opportunity for them to jump straight in with.........before you've got things across???
Or whether any of them would be "up for" reading a book you suggest on someones similar personal experience???
Just thinking of ways to try to breech the ignorance.........

But otherwise..........you can maybe just try feeding them bits of your feelings/experience over time......gradually...........or explain specific things in detail???
Keep putting yourself first in your contact with them though........if their ignorance is hurting you/making things worse........your well-being first, hey??!!
It shouldn't have to be your "responsibility" to "get them to see" when it's real hard. It's their lose/their failing and you can "walk away" and be with people who can understand, and who can be here for you.......like us

Anyway Fuzzy.........hope it gets a little less quiet on here and you get some more responses..........



Alison

[cryingontheinside]

Hi fuzzy , I don't have any tips of what not to say to professionals, I just try to talk openly and honestly to get the right help. And yes I know what you mean about begging. I practically had to beg scream shout and cry to get any help when I was first diagnosed with BPD but although you shouldn't have to do that I'm glad that I did because I do get support now and I do get heard . I'm in the UK too so I know how it is here. Big hugs

Sent from my GT-S6810P using Tapatalk

[JadeAmethyst]

Dear Fuzzy:
I wish you a care and hope.
A cyber hug too.
Jade

[technigal]

Sending you

[kamikazebaby]

You probably don't want my tips - I'd rather not trust family (ever) *or* professionals (anymore)! I'm sorry, though - it seems sometimes that there's really nowhere to turn. They use all vulnerability against you in some way or another.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Unfortunately I have grown to agree with kamikaze- after 16yrs of begging and pleading for help.

I don't think it has to be that way for everyone though, it just depends on 3 factors:

1. How supportive (in general) is your family?
2. How strong is the belief in the BPD stigma in your area?
3. How good is your mental health care system (in general) in your area?

If your family is generally a supportive unit, just get them education concerning BPD and that will help them understand how to support you.

If you have good mental health care and the stigma isn't prevalent, just search out the "right fit" of a therapist for you (one you feel comfortable with). It is their job to talk appropriately to you to be sure you receive the help you need, not vice versa. But if you are asking what information to give - let them know any repeat type problems you are having in your thinking, any type of issues that bother you (such as trauma or abuse or etc), what your average emotional state has been and what it currently is, keep them up to date on any major changes in your life, let them know anything that is triggering you, if ever they upset you - address it asap, and always let them know if you get suicidal or etc.

I find the problem here is there is so much stigma behind it the docs judge you if you use any absolute wording like "everyone" or "nobody" or "all" or "nothing" or etc. They are also afraid to tell you anything either about the disorder, your progress or your treatment for fear you will in some way sabotage things. They also refuse to listen to any complaints you may have concerning your care. For these reasons, I find it extremely difficult to receive any help here. I have a generally unsupportive family so that too is of no use to me. Again, I know this is not the case for all - I do hope you will find better results.

*hugs*

Good luck!

[kamikazebaby]

I can't tell you how many times therapists have asked me if my needs were valid and reasonable. That is so incredibly invalidating. And they only ask this because of the BPD. When I first see a therapist and don't say or show any "BPD" things, there's no question of whether my needs are valid and reasonable. They just take it for granted that they are. Amazing.

Ah, and they also assume that any interpersonal issues are all you and that there is no valid concern/problem.

I would bet that most of us don't have terribly supportive families...

[kelseashell]

Hi there,

First of all, I truly hope your pain subsides in some way. I know this isn't easy. You are strong; hang in there.

I'm just on the waiting list to see a professional now so I don't have much experience in that arena.

In the meantime, I've been completing a DBT workbook that I've already seen improvements from. Some days are definitely easier than others, and I still have many moments where I slip into bad habits, but I'm noticing my awareness of my moods increasing and just having some alternatives to destructive behavior has helped me take steps to learn new coping skills. This may be a help for you too. Here is a link to the book I'm using, that I think many people in this forum also recomm