Borderline Personality Disorder - Intrusive Thoughts

I am new to this but here it goes: I am an 18 year old female who struggles SEVERELY with BPD. I need comfort. I need friends. I need understanding. I have a great support system & everything, but nobody really understands me or my illness. I feel very alone & isolated sometimes. I have been getting intrusive thoughts for about 6 months now. The first time I noticed this, was when I was at a hospital for my mother to pick up her prescription on the 3rd floor, Can anyone relate? Does anyone have advice? I have been on multiple meds & nothing seems to help. I have recently quit two mood stabilizers cold turkey because I developed a rash & an ER doctor told me to quit immediately. The withdrawals have been terrible. I am now slowly coming off of Effexor because it has not helped; I mean, here I am getting intrusive thoughts so what am I to do? Ughhhh. Any advice or even some kind words of encouragement would be so greatly appreciated. God bless you all. I hope you all find the strength to get through whatever it is you are going through. I am always here if anyone needs someone to talk to. I have been through a lot so I am no stranger to "crazy". Lol

Hello shayleykay: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! May you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Yes... I know exactly what you're talking about as far as jumping goes & also having the urge to stab yourself. (I also have the urge to stab other people!) I'm an older person now. But I've had this for many years. I never go anywhere anymore where there would be the possibility of jumping. But in the past, when I used to, the urge was almost overwhelming. Sometimes it would become so difficult that I would become dizzy. The only thing that kept me from doing it was fear.

I still struggle with the stabbing urge any time I have a knife in my hands. I mentioned this urge to a nurse practitioner once years ago. She just blew it off as if it was nothing! (It's definitely NOT nothing!) I simply tell myself that there is no way I would actually do anything like this... at least not to someone else. It's a bit more uncertain when it comes to myself.

I don't know where this comes from. I presume it has to do with anxiety & fear which I have always had a lot of. I've been on different psych med's over the years. (I no longer am.) None of them had any significant impact on any of this that I can recall. I do meditation (primarily of the walking variety.) This helps my overall anxiety level somewhat & I presume that has a beneficial effect on these sorts of urges. However, I also know the urges are still there. So meditation certainly is not a cure... at least in my case. I can't say if therapy would help. I saw a few therapists over the years. But none of them were worth the bother.

In conjunction with my walking meditation practice, I employ a Buddhist technique called "compassionate abiding". What this involves is allowing whatever I'm feeling to come forward in my mind. I "lean into" it, breathe with it, perhaps even smile to it. If there is a storyline attached to the thought, for example a difficult memory, once I've breathed into it few times, I drop the storyline & simply stay with the underlying emotion (anger, fear, etc.) I may even place my hand over my heart as a sign of lovingkindness & compassion toward the thought. It is like a misshapen little troll. But it has no power over me beyond what I cede it. I stay with the underlying emotion until it passes away of its own volition. I learned this technique from reading the writings of the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön, although it is certainly not particular to her.

Anyway, this is what I know & have experienced with regard to the types of urges you mention. I send healing thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to find deep peace within...

Oh my goodness I am so sorry to hear about your issues I almost teared when I read all that because I know how difficult it is. Thank you soo much for sharing! I definitely feel less alone now. I am sending healing thoughts & prayers your way as well sweetie!

I have thoughts like that a lot when I'm having bad times. Just like you, I don't want to follow through but the thought sure is there. When they got my medicine straightened out - things seemed to get better. When it happens now I try to distract myself by doing something else or thinking about something else.

I have them .. I dont know if this is the best coping mechanism but I shove them out.. like a jumping or driving off of a bridge thought comes I just shake my head like "yeah . .. no I dont think so" kinda eyeroll at it and continue on with some gratitude...like all I have to be thankful for. This may not work for many but it works for me somewhat. They dont ever go away completely ... but they have no grip on me if that makes any sense

I haven't had intrusive thoughts for awhile now. I'm on Latuda for the SI and SUI thoughts. Maybe it's working on those thoughts too?

I used to have them. The worse my depression was the more frequent the thoughts. Driving off a bridge, driving into a bridge, etc. They can be scary. I always just refocus on completing the task (driving over or under the bridge).

All of these responses broke my heart but at the same time made me feel less alone. Thank you all for coming forward & taking the time to reply to me. It truly means so much..

I have been on numerous medications including effexor and everyone has been the same thing. Continuous intrusive thoughts checked into the hospital once it didn't really help. Sometimes I hate my life so much I want instant relief but what is there? I don't know why when I feel so much anguish and why I feel that ending it all is even an option for me. I don't know where it comes from, a neurological imbalance or faulty thought patterns or both. The medications that supposedly work the best you have to jump through hoops to get on. Best of luck to all those who are also in this place don't give up hope, there is a lot of beauty I the world despite the ugly.

I am sorry you are going threw this, I have the same problem with intrusive thoughts, I am going to send Hugs and prayers your way, I hope you find the right medication and therapy you need to start feeling better