[agoodone]

I think this is a symptom of a personality disorder but I'm not sure which one. Borderline, maybe?

When I feel threatened or jealous I become very mean and abusive to my boyfriend.

I don't have a boyfriend now, but I have been chatting with a guy for over a year and I have feelings for him. I am jealous because I saw he was flirting with another girl (online), even though this was years ago. Like 3 or 4 years ago. But it still bothers me. I think he must have liked her more or he still likes her and I'm just the one he talks to in the meantime, because he can't have the one he wants. (She ignored him).

I don't know if any of that is true, but that's how I feel. So I became very mean and abusive to him and told him not to talk to me anymore, etc. I can't control myself. I know I'm being irrational, but I feel so hurt and jealous and I can't stand thinking of him being attracted to someone else. Even if it was years ago.

I know I sound like an awful and insecure person. I've ruined all of my past relationships because of this.

[Skeezyks]

Hello agoodone: I'm sorry you are having this difficulty. I can't say what type of personality disorder this might relate to. It kind-of reminds me of the BPD related phrase: "I hate you, don't leave me." I hope you have the opportunity to see a counselor or therapist who can help you to find better ways of handling relationships.

[Matt0419]

I understand how you feel, I had similar problems which also ruined relationships :/ irrational thoughts are such a hard thing to cope with, although I think there is nearly always a kernel of truth to them so you shouldn't beat yourself up over having the thoughts. I remember it getting really frustrating though because I could never communicate the legitimate part of my concerns because of how I reacted to them.
When im able to focus enough I find that writing down my thoughts first before I speak them really helps me rationalise things, but sometimes im just way too caught up in my thoughts to remember to do that.
Hopefully you can start to gain some more control soon, therapists always help even if its just to have a rant to get everything out of your mind (: best of luck