Therapist almost seems to wish I didn't have BPD

She never said so directly, but my therapist really does seem as though she wishes I only had bipolar (original diagnosis) and not BPD. She does treat BPD surprisingly...but seems very against the diagnosis itself and is even a bit judgemental about common symptoms of the disorder like frequent suicidal ideation. My first session with her when I told her I'm diagnosed with BPD she said "I don't really like that diagnosis" and when I admitted to being suicidal she said very firmly "Ok you are NOT suicidal. I can't have you being suicidal. I'm a very happy go-lucky person and if you were to kill yourself, it would throw me into a funk. You have to PROMISE me you won't. Can we make that agreement?"

I get that she is worried about me, but it honestly came off more as her being really afraid of treating a suicidal patient. I was afraid to say "I can't promise you that" or "I'll try not to" for fear of being untreated. Why even treat BPD patients if you can't handle suicidality? Anytime I mention being suicidal, which is a large struggle of mine, she asks "Why are you suicidal?? You have a great boyfriend, a lot going for you in life, you're attractive, etc. You feel this way just from your thoughts??" Yeah, I do. Imagine that. Unheard of in BPD!

Today (even though I already told her this...) I mentioned my previous diagnosis, Bipolar II, because it was relevant when talking about a past situation and she immediately almost-excitedly says "Oh you were diagnosed with Bipolar!" as she proceeds to write it down. After that, as she went over my DBT homework, she began saying "Yes I can see the BPD in this but also Bipolar" when before I mentioned Bipolar she said no such thing (and what I wrote really had nothing to do with any of my Bipolar symptoms.)

What really aggravated me was when she said "It seems your emotions lead to your suicidal ideation, but there is also the biological component, because you have a biological disorder: bipolar. And BPD is your personality so we're going to make that go away. I interrupted to say "Actually, BPD is also biological, and you can't make it go away...you can learn to live with it." She agreed with me, so I don't understand why she had to single out bipolar as my biological disorder...almost as if that's the real problem and BPD is just me literally having a ****ed up personality.

I really don't get why BPD needs to be singled out at all, or why my bipolar needs to be hyper focused on even when I told her my hypomania has since been taken care of thanks to Lamictal. BPD is my main problem right now, not Bipolar. It really does seem like she wishes I only had Bipolar since therapists aren't as intimidated by it. Ugh!

Hi Pastel, from my experience most therapist "don't" like to treat people with BPD. I think they are afraid of the threat of suicidal clients with BPD. I gather that from your therapist. She also seems afraid how it will affect "her" and not so much you. I think, people with BPD walk a thin rope, because others in the mental Heath industry don't know how to treat this dx. It often appears hopeless; however, this condition isn't hopeless it's just most therapist don't know how to treat BPD. That's why I tell most with this dx to seek a therapist with experience in handling BPD. Knowledge on how to treat BPD is getting better, but it still is a dx that's hard for client and therapist to treat.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Treat? Heck, most therapists don't even know how to properly diagnose BPD. It's a sad state of affairs to try to find one with competence and experience treating it. Such therapists do exist, however, and are worth the search.

I would say find another T. There are some out there who really do know how to treat it and can handle it. I have had a good T. He took me on from the beginning knowing I was diagnosed with BPD, he never showed fear with my constant suicidal tendencies. It turns out I don't even have BPD...and I have yet to see him since I found this out...but please don't give up just because of this one T. you can find a better one

Sadly she's my only option for now until I can get on insurance since she seems to be the only person who does sliding scale. I'm at least being given useful worksheets for homework so I'm trying to bear with her but ugh I just cannot see myself forming a bond with her at all!

I'm sorry to hear that.... Have you looked on line for helpful info on BPD? There's several books & work books on the dx. They mainly point back to DBT as a form of learning to improve & control behaviors in personal relationships and in ones life. I think this would be helpful.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yeah, I've read quite a lot about BPD itself and I know you can access information about DBT online but I learn a lot better when I have someone guiding me compared to teaching myself...so I've really just gotta try to stick with her for now since she is teaching me DBT in the correct way from what I can tell

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

DBT is good therapy for BPD and bipolar disorder. So at least you'll be receiving therapy that treats both conditions. I wish you the best!

She did at least say that. Thank you so much!

I'm also suicidal, and if my therapist had said that to me, I would have been fuming. I'm sorry you have no other options.

Yeah it certainly rubbed me the wrong way. If I felt I had another option at that moment I would probably have retorted with more. My boyfriend was sitting next to me at that time actually since it was the first appointment and even he was surprised. I found out that there's a lady in the same building who may also do sliding scale, but I need to call her to find out. At the end of the last appointment before we left she asked my boyfriend how he handles my suicidal behavior...and it came off as "How the hell can you put up with her?" It reminds me of my mom! GAH.

I have bipolar and borderline too and have also had my share of bad experiences with therapy. I'm 50 now and i've given up. I tried two DBT day hospitals. One i quit and the other made me manic and they kicked me out. I've looked over the DBT self-help stuff but it seems like a bunch of mnemonics. It would probably be helpful to learn them but i don't have the patience. My life is good enough the way it is.