[kelly8896]

I’m new to this forum. Seeking to understand my daughter’s disorder and get some input as to the best ways to cope with her disorder so I can better deal with her unexpected quick mood changes.

She has always been very moody, with dramatic emotional displays and tends to need to be the center of attention. I used to chalk it up to her being a teenager and a drama queen. However as she has gotten older (she’s 21), her relationship not only with family members, but people in general is so up and down. Most of the family doesn’t like to be around her, because she’s hateful and selfish. She started seeing a therapist a few months ago and he diagnosed her with BPD recently. She tried to hurt herself about a month ago so we checked her into the hospital for 3 days and she is on new medication. Everything seemed to be going well until last night and she flipped out on me. We were just joking around, giving each other a hard time about different things and she just quits laughing and goes off on me.

I’m always on edge and never know what to say or not to say in fear of it setting her off.

Just looking for some helpful tips/advice, maybe some good websites to visit and explore. Trying my best to be supportive, and a mom too. It's just very stressful never knowing what side of her personality I'm going to come home to.

[caretothepeople]

Welcome, Kelly. It's great you are so open and willing to learn about BPD for the sake of your daughter and coming from a place of wanting to help her.

BPD is a complicated diagnosis and the symptoms, triggers, and profile are different for everyone. This forum is a wealth of information and I think others who have been in your shoes may have a lot to offer.

That being said, to get started, NAMI is a great source of reliable info on mental illness including BPD. BPD Central and BPD Family are some other websites. There's lots of great books out there too.

Some families find in person support can be helpful too, so seeking out a local support group for caregivers may be something to consider. Again it can be really help to connect with others who can relate to what you're going through and learn from them. Mental Health America is one place to look, NAMI may also list some local support groups.

Also remember to take care of yourself. Caring for someone with mental illness can be taxing and bring up a lot of different emotions. Making time for your own well being and self care is so important!

[Lonlin3zz]

From a young adult perspective, tones or critcism that display anger/sarcasm in it might trigger her into bottled rage or emotional outburst.

Nobody is born with a personality disorder, there must be key reasons to why some person behave such ways when they grow up. Eg. How was their childhood generally like? What was their developing environment during their growing/developing stage?

It would be a good idea to understand if she craves for certain things that satisfy her for a moment, eg. food, being alone to think for herself.

This is just my perspective, just take it with a pinch of salt

[Pastel Kitten]

Originally Posted by Lonlin3zz

From a young adult perspective, tones or critcism that display anger/sarcasm in it might trigger her into bottled rage or emotional outburst.

Nobody is born with a personality disorder, there must be key reasons to why some person behave such ways when they grow up. Eg. How was their childhood generally like? What was their developing environment during their growing/developing stage?

It would be a good idea to understand if she craves for certain things that satisfy her for a moment, eg. food, being alone to think for herself.

This is just my perspective, just take it with a pinch of salt

It's been proven that it's biological, but yes it usually requires something to trigger it.

[Pastel Kitten]

You're a very good mom and your daughter is lucky to have you supporting her. So many of our parents/families/friends are unwilling to understand us. My mother in particular doesn't really acknowledge my illness(es) and likes to make me feel like I'm burdening everyone (I'm 21 as well). My best advice would be to continue supporting her and to never make her feel as though she is a burden. Be firm but kind. Let her know her feelings are valid, but that other people have feelings too. She wants to feel loved; she just experiences emotion more intensely than other people, and that is very overwhelming.

[Travelinglady]

I, too, am glad you're willing to learn about BPD and be supportive of your daughter. I hope she gets Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, first designed for us. However, folks with borderline sometimes quickly fall out with their therapists, being sensitive to rejection, so don't be surprised if she jumps from therapist to therapist, making treatment difficult. I hope she won't.

I suggest you find some books about relationships with borderlines. One recommended to my husband was Stop Walking on Eggshells.

I can assure you that other members here have children with BPD. Here's a group I have started to help parents of mentally ill adult children: http://forums.psychcentral.com/group...ll-adults.html.