[miss_rainy]

So I was watching the old CSI's... And it was about this woman who had a psychopath personality. I know they said that they can't really feel things like empathy or other normal things, so they mock emotions (At least that's what they said). This kinda reminds me of me, for my entire life I've been questioning my own emotions if they were genuine or mocked. Since I was little, I always had a hard time fitting in or finding myself. I never fit in so to make things easier, I started acting like others which helped. I saw different personalities that I admired, and begin to see myself and think and do like them. This made things a lot more interesting and I always felt fulfilled... At least until it wore off.
So here I am now looking at this girl and it brings up familiar feelings. I can't explain it but her lack of emotions and cold/mean demener reminds me of me at times. Sometimes, I can't feel for anyone, even though I say or think I do but at times I feel intensely for people, like obsession. As I write this, my emotions and mind change so it's needless-to-say hard.
Well, just to get down to it, her personality intrigued me and so now I'm taking on her features and it feels right. I feel relief like I can finally say this how I am an I want to embrace it. So much, that I want to change certain things about my personality. I feel like it will be better.
Right now, I really don't like my personality, voice or anything. I can't stand it. It makes my anxiety go up because I'm feeling like I'm stuck in this body that's not really me. Taking on her gives me some fulfillment which is good because it's better than be empty and "not right".

[Atypical_Disaster]

Take it from someone who has gone down this exact path before, just don't do it.

You'll possibly really screw up your life. You think things are bad now? When you become nothing but a reflection of what you think you want to be it gets worse. Way worse.

There are other things to do about not liking your personality than mirroring another form of personality pathology.

[miss_rainy]

Why would I see up my life? If it makes me happy and it isn't hurting anybody else, then why is it bad? Besides, it's not about"not liking" my personality, it's feeling like your not in the right personality/mindset if that makes sense?

[miss_rainy]

What happen to you? If you don't mind me asking.

[Atypical_Disaster]

You'd be hurting yourself.

"Not in the right personality/mindset"? I'm not exactly sure what you mean, can you explain?

[Icare dixit]

When you pretend to be someone else you may lose yourself. That would at least be my answer.

But I think you should act better than you are, just not different from who you are. Most people do and it helps you to be that better person.

The only problem with us is that we start to believe we are someone we're not. That's dangerous: you might lose yourself and hate the other person and in the end yourself if you finally realise who you actually are (or, rather, the negative image of who you are).

Does that make sense?

[Pastel Kitten]

I've "shape-shifted" into so many different people/personalities before and what I learned from it is that no matter how many personalities you find yourself adapting, you will never be satisfied. Not ever. You have to hold onto the small bits and pieces that you know for a fact are you, and slowly put the pieces together until you have a clearer picture. I struggle with this a lot, and have been working towards finding myself after years of being a chameleon.