[MsAmbrosia]

Hello!

I began fearing I may suffer with BPD (Borderline personality disorder) when I was in my late teens. It was horrible, my life was a mess internally. I've attempted to fix the whirlwind in my head myself with meditation, fitness and other things but nothing ever works. It feel like it's began to spiral out of control again in the last year and I fear it may cause my long term relationship to crash and burn. I've began self injuring again, my eating disorder has resurfaced and I can barely stand to wake up and go to work on days when my moods are plummeting. My partners patience is beginning to wear down and I know my constant mood swings are exhausting him, they're exhausting me. I am finding it increasingly harder and harder to control my impulsiveness and keep away intrusive thoughts, extreme anger, and bursts of hyper sexuality that has caused me to cheat on other partners in the past (the thoughts are so overpowering that I am unable to sleep due to them).

Anyways, this has been a tough few days as I realize I'm not exactly coping with these issues as well as I thought I was and am ready to finally seek help. The only problem is that I don't have any idea where to start. I have had to stop visiting my PCP due to a fear that he hates me, judges me and overall doesn't care about my thoughts. I have never been to any kind of doctor besides my OBGYN and the PCP. I have an appointment with my OBGYN in a few weeks for a regular visit and was wondering if maybe she could refer me somewhere. They have been trying to see if some of my issues were caused by hormones, thyroid or other female-related issue, to no avail. So does anyone think they can help direct me somewhere or does anyone have any advice on where I can start on my own with finding a doctor or someone who can help tell me what's wrong with my messed up head? I just want to salvage a relationship I keep trying to ruin, then improve, then ruin and keep a job that I enjoy on many days and hate on others.

Any advice is welcome.

[jeremiahgirl]

Hi Where are you located? If here in the USA ; I'm sure this organization can help you, with info.
http://www.nami.org
I hope this is a beginning to success and peace of mind.

[Skeezyks]

Hello MsAmbrosia: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. It's been a few days now since you posted this. Perhaps you've found the help you need? I hope so. Probably you're going to end up seeing a psychiatrist I would suppose.

I don't know what you have for health insurance, of course. But one thing that occurred to me is that, assuming you have health insurance, perhaps your insurer might have some member advocacy services available where you could get some help finding the services you need. I know my health insurer offers this kind of assistance.

It is also possible your city, county or state governments may have crisis intervention services available. If they do, they may also be of some help. You could also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. 1 (800) 273-8255. You don't have to be suicidal to call. They advertise they're there to help with any problem. And I believe, when you call, your call is routed to a crisis intervention program in your geographic area.

Anyway these are a few possible ideas in case you haven't yet found what you're looking for. I know how difficult finding appropriate mental health services can be. I wish you well...