[StarBlue]

Thought - WINDOW - Action.

Explain please DBT veterans what this thing called WINDOW - is.

People are bleeding here and need to know.

[Deranged Hermit]

I've never heard of this. Is it from your workbook?

If it perhaps you could give us the couple of sentences before and after so we have more context.

Off the top of my head it may be referring to the act of opposite reactions.

Something like:
Figure out your emotion. Emotions can be complicated and confusing. Figuring out what you are feeling, for example anger, annoyance or frustration, is an important first step. Are underlying feelings of guilt or fear influencing your anger?
Ask yourself what action goes with that emotion. Aggression usually goes with anger. Aggression can be physical, verbal or indirect and passive.
Ask yourself ‘do I want to reduce my anger?’ It only makes sense to try to change those feelings you want to change.
Figure out what the opposite action is. The opposite of aggression is kindness or at the very least, decency. Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and imaging their perspective is an effective way to change angry and aggressive thoughts into something kind or at least understanding.
Do the opposite action all the way. Throw yourself in to acting differently in both your actions and your thoughts. Acting differently, without thinking differently won’t work. You have to do both.

[StarBlue]

What I got is that it is a pause in thought that allows some breathing space and can be filled with possibly some wise mind input as opposed to going full-blast into the next thought/feeling without reflection, on automatic.

[Trippin2.0]

You've got it precisely... It's like counting to 10 while considering if high fiving someone in the face, with a chair, is the best course of action.

The best thought window I've created so far is for my bf... Whenever I felt the urge to push really hard and spew vitriol at him, I would spew it in my *****out boyfriend diary. I'd write and rewrite, sit on it and edit it for days. If something in there really needed to be said, I would be calm by the time I said it.

Haven't used the diary in over a year now, and no longer textually harass him.

Windows take a lot of practice, but the best method imo, is to step away, and in time, with practice, it becomes easier, more natural.

[StarBlue]

That's a major feat accomplished. Would be like moving a mountain imho.

[Trippin2.0]

It is kinda major, those horrid texts I use to send usually lead to a break up every three months or so... And after our last reconciliation my bf had one boundary, no more pushing, unless I wanted him to believe it's for good.

It's been three years without a break up and the effort has been wayyyy worth it.

[StarBlue]

Sounds very cool. Where did the idea come up? Is it from a workbook? Book? Can you share from where? I need this.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

It is kinda major, those horrid texts I use to send usually lead to a break up every three months or so... And after our last reconciliation my bf had one boundary, no more pushing, unless I wanted him to believe it's for good.

It's been three years without a break up and the effort has been wayyyy worth it.

[Trippin2.0]

Idk, it just hit me one day.
See I used to switch my phone off and put it away in a drawer, (part of opposite action) but it just wasn't enough, it didn't help calm me down... I still had this raging impulse to get something out of my system.
So I got a lil pink diary, renamed it, and it just took off from there, I don't even have to switch my phone off anymore, putting it down and going to do something else, works well enough now.

[StarBlue]

I've felt my boundaries SEVERELY interfered with in recent days, those who were with me in chat know what I'm talking about. I feel violated to the core and figure this - while interfacing with those intruding on my space, for business reasons I have to put on a happy face but I'm going ballistic inside with every kind of rage, fear, insanity coursing through my system.

I felt like a trapped animal.

If anyone knows how to put a WINDOW on a situation where you feel trapped, please come forward and teach me how.

[Trippin2.0]

I have no idea how viable this is for you, but when I am in trapped animal mode, I do whatever it takes to contain it (haven't thrown my god awful manger with a stapler yet!) and then put myself into timeout as soon as I get home.

Timeout is as,much for me as it is for my daughter (so i dont snap at her for no reason)... I lock myself up in my room and blast metal at full volume straight into my ears, and proceed to sing my heart out.

This can sometimes take hours though, like when I'm in the throes of an agitated bipolar episode.

I've heard running is just as effective, and works faster, but I'm not much of an exercise fan...

[StarBlue]

Except this is happening in my home! They are working in the attic and doing work on the walls inside and out - I cannot. Deal. Never. Could. My original perp situation happened in just these paramaters when I was a kid. Flashback central.

I am holding it together while they're invading (AND USING MY BATHROOM) arrgghhhhh - with a lot of alcohol and sedatives - wine actually. Can't do the hard stuff. My life has been entirely turned upside down. I do the music thing with rock music as well - at other times when I'm triggered by noises - usually machinery or shouting. That will do it. Pearl Jam is my friend.

Thanks for replying. This isn't an easy one to deal with I know - this is one of the reasons, btw that I chose to live as a hermit and learned to fix most things myself. One of things I could not do was fix a bloody leaking roof. Otherwise I'd done it. I did go so far as to get the ladder though.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I have no idea how viable this is for you, but when I am in trapped animal mode, I do whatever it takes to contain it (haven't thrown my god awful manger with a stapler yet!) and then put myself into timeout as soon as I get home.

Timeout is as,much for me as it is for my daughter (so i dont snap at her for no reason)... I lock myself up in my room and blast metal at full volume straight into my ears, and proceed to sing my heart out.

This can sometimes take hours though, like when I'm in the throes of an agitated bipolar episode.

I've heard running is just as effective, and works faster, but I'm not much of an exercise fan...