[BrianTx]

I tried googling some of my wife's actions to understand what is going on with her. What lead me to believe something is wrong was her very odd behavior. It started with some extreme drinking at very inappropriate places (like kids school events). She would get really drunk and turn into a monster. In addition she would go to the casino and get drunk, take out all of our money and gamble it away. When I told her that I thought she had a drinking problem, she told me that she never has an urge to drink, but she didn't know why she did it. She acknowledged that she felt out of control.

When we are talking, she often just blows up on me and says that I have abandoned her and don't understand her. She has this view about me that I am a bad person but when I ask for specifics, she cant name one thing. I asked her is she wants a divorce but she ends up saying no. I told her that if she cant be happy with me that we could separate and that I would take care of her financially forever, so she really doesn't have a reason to stay with me if I am such a bad person. She will just end up staying, but she always threatens me that she will leave.

Her behavior is just really confusing because I literally cant do anything to please her. She has complained about me not doing anything around the house, so I do dishes, wash clothes, vacuum, etc. but she still thinks I don't do anything. BTW, I am the only one that works. She quit her job so she could stay home and raise our kids. She often throughs that in my face and blames me for making her giving up her career.

Every day it feels like she will do the most crazy things to get a rise out of me (I mean really over the top behavior). When I don't acknowledge her actions, she just keeps escalating it. I also find that she will try to manipulate me in strange ways. She will setup some elaborate scheme to get me focused on something while she slams down a bottle of vodka. We will end up fighting all night and the next morning she acts like nothing happened.

Another thing that makes me think something is wrong is that she will visit the ER about 5-10 times a year. One time she called me at work because she was unloading the dishwasher and tripped and fell on a knife and it stabbed her in the stomach. another time she said she tripped and slammed her arm in the door, which fractured it. I think she is doing these things to herself for sympathy. There is no way someone can be that unlucky. Lots of times she will go to the hospital complaining of strange pains , every single time the Dr never find out what is wrong and say all tests look normal. She will always get pain medicine, so I think that is the only reason she is there. Our Primary dr. flat out told me that she though my wife was a drug addict faking these pains.

I should also note that my wife was adopted and her mother was not a very affectionate person. My wife is also on lots of medication for depression etc. I counted the pill bottles on the side of her bed, well over 100.

[Skeezyks]

Hello BrianTx: Thanks for sharing your situation. From what you wrote, it sounds as though your wife definitely has her problems, whether BPD would be the correct diagnosis or not. This is something a mental health professional would have to determine of course. But then your wife would have to want to pursue mental health treatment before this could happen. If she will not then, sadly, there's probably not much you can do but either put up with things as they are or make some other kinds of arrangements. I wish you both well...

[alk2601]

Hi Brian, I know you posted this over a week ago but I just wanted to add my encouragement. I'm sorry you're having to go through this with your wife. I know from experience how much of a toll it can take watching someone you love struggle so much, especially when those struggles are often blamed on and directed toward you.

I hope you will encourage her to pursue therapy, and consider it for yourself as well. Therapy has helped me to heal from the emotional baggage I accumulated after a previous relationship with someone who had BPD traits. It may also help you learn how to respond to your wife in a way that will benefit you both.

You sound like a very considerate husband and deserve peace and happiness in your own life. Best wishes to you!

[Unrigged64072835]

Brian--even if she does have BPD (which only can be diagnosed by a professional), she has no reason to treat you this way. If she won't see a professional, then see on yourself.