[MDDBPDPTSD]

Hi.
I was here years ago and quite an active member then. I left bc I had found a more intimate group of fellow BPDers and decided to pursue that bc this is so public and it makes me uncomfortable. But bc it is so public, there is almost always someone here and it is not likely to fade away over time. I am grateful to find this forum still here.

The last time I signed in, I left my mood as "depressed" and I am still depressed. Years later. Yippee! I still cant stop crying. My life is overall calmer now and more organized. But I am still crying over so many things.
I am still so depressed. I still don't trust people. I still don't want to be around them. I still wish there was a different me. One who wasn't abused. One who wasn't depressed. But in order for that to happen, justice would have to prevail. And most of us in here know that it doesn't. Justice can happen on a case by case basis, but when it does, it is the exception, not the rule. We do not have a justice system. We have a legal system. I don't know of another country that has a better system either. That is what is so discouraging.

When I think about the injustice being done here to so many it breaks my heart. But then I think about those in countries where human rights are not even a sham of a priority and I just cry for them. Young girls sold as slaves to old men. Boys sent out to work 20 hours days with just a bowl of rice to eat. And they are beaten and no one comes to save them. Injustice. It is all around us. Any many in my country of the United States believe that it rare that it exists here bc we are a "good" country, a country of laws and people are not permitted to abuse one another here. Yeah, right. The cycle of abuse continues. it is strong and vibrant, but no one taks about it anymore bc, after all, we talked about it in the 70's and 80's, surely it is an old subject now and we have defeated it. No one who wants out of the abuse is forced to stay in it in our forward thinking society. Except people are in it. Millions of them. right here in the US and around the world. Yes it may be worse elsewhere. Or maybe not. All I know is it is here and it is thriving. The US is the number 1 importer of sex slaves. Not a number to be proud of, but it is ignored by our legal system bc we do not have a justice system, we have a legal system.

Little children are abused every day right here in this country. And it is reported to the authorities. But nothing is done. The system does not work. and no one is even saying a thing about it. When the average person hears about abuse of a minor, they simply reply that a call to Child Protective Services will take care of that. But what if that call has been made, the child talks to several people about the abuse, but then the case is dropped and the child is sent right back to the abuser? What do we do then? What do we say to that child, who knows he risked everything for a chance at freedom, only for the officials in society to say, "no, you deserve to be abused and we are sending you back to it.". Of course, not by their words, but by their actions this is what they did. And now he has no faith in the system and no hope of being free until he is an adult.

And why should he have faith in the system? He shouldn't. He is the fourth generation of this abuse happening. And every one of the abusers EVERY ONE of them did not get punished in any way. Even though people all around the children knew. Nothing was done. Nothing. So much for human rights. Not here. Not on this planet. Not today.

[shezbut]

Welcome back.

It IS nice to see you again, but I'm very sad to see that you're still struggling....perhaps your general mood comes down to the c-PTSD? I am fighting c-PTSD as well, and the result is me always feeling like you described. I feel hopeless for the future. The word "depressed" feels like an understatement to me, really.

Personally, I avoid watching the news or reading the paper ~ because if I don't, I always become super-depressed. So, I am pretty unaware of what's happening in our current world. Somehow, I keep getting clips of terrible news happening over and over, so it's a good thing that I don't seek out even more terrible stories. I can't handle it! Probably a bad attitude to have, but my T recommended it to me & I've stuck with it ever since.

Gentle hugs sent your way ~ you are in my thoughts.