Narcissist traits Emotional Abuse Borderline traits can't Leave

I have a mental health background and suspect I have ptsd from a prior physically abusive relationship that ended many years ago or I'm bpd. I have to get another professional opinion.

Ive been with someone i think may be a narcissist for a year...known him several years before as on off friends, lovers etc. We got engaged fall last year. His family member said he was shocked as he always knew him as a player and said he NEVER was engaged to anyone.

We broke up and he moved out of my place march as I had rage side effects which I thought was from anxiety medication i was on, im not sure...he moved out..he originally asked me to take the meds so I'd stop worrying about him when he works late...because I'd call a lot...after we broke up, we see each other again over march and say we are going to repair our relationship....I see msgs in his tablet to other girls....all on days he claimed he couldn't talk to me on the phone cause I argue too much. But he found time to flirt.

By May, he's needs money for an emergency, I can't give it to him. So he sleeps with his ex to convince her to give him money (he was with her as fwb for years for money and he and his brother said he was never attracted to her).. He tells me after. I forgive him because we are technically broken up still....but I blow up at him in person about the tablet messages to girls and scratch his arms. He ignores me after. I apologize many times.
Before he moved out originally in march, I did sales. I started dancing in late may to get more money after losing a job
We make up in June and have sex.
The same day we make up and agree to work on us, he sleeps with another girl because again he has another emergency and wants to sweet talk her to give him money that I don't have.
He tells me we aren't technically engaged at the moment (this was june) and because I worked as a dancer it's the same as him sleeping with girls. I said it's not because I don't have any sex...oral or regular. He insisted dancing is the same as what he does....sleeping with exes who loan him money.

Eventually he admits he's wrong and we move in again end of june. I gave up my place for him. We say we're engaged again...we put up new Facebook pics. He says he deleted instagram instead of adding me.

He loses his job mid summer 2016, I help him out numerous occasions with money from my dancing. He starts to disappear for three days at a time doing his new driving job he gets, ignoring my calls not calling, and barely texting and returning each time explaining he has to stay with friends because I argue too much. A cycle begins where I blow up into extreme fits of rage over my frustration...over what he put me through. Each time he disappears and comes home, I blow up because he's gone. He says my blowing up is a reason he has to leave for 2-3 days each time to go to his guy friends.

Eventually I stop blowing up, he still leaves every week for several days, never calling, ignorning texts, insisting hes not cheating, and saying he doesn't like to be controlled or told when to come home, I say if he wants to marry, he needs to answer to someone, especially because he keeps saying he wants me to get pregnant and have his baby...the main reason he sees me as his wife and gave me a ring back in fall 2015. To move in with him, I gave up my apt, so i have nowhere to go.

Three months go by until Oct 2016 where he leaves every week for several days...always saying he can't be controlled...but still wanting me physically...still wanting me to wear my ring...still saying he dreams of me having his child. I finally leave Nov and go out of state to live with my mother. He texts me randomly throughout the month accusing me of being with guys because I don't text right away. I tell him he has no business saying that cause I moved because he abandoned me, refused to answer the phone when I lived with him, and came and left as he wanted. During the time he did this back in august, I found dinner receipts charged under an exes name. I screamed at him over all the lies. He insisted I'm crazy and it was just to pay her back. I felt like I lost my mind that day,..scratched him...hit him. I have not hit him since September and apologized many times.

This past month Dec, I ask if i can stay at his place on the couch to look for jobs, since I quit dancing and want to do sales jobs again. He says he's ready to get our marriage certificate and agrees with my previous suggestion from a month ago, that we hold onto it for a few months to motivate us to go to therapy and get help until right before it expires and then get married if we can fix our relationship. We go get the marriage application. He loses half the day he could have worked getting it. Next day his car glass gets shattered. He uses his car for work. He calls me asking for money because rent is due the next day. I say no at first because I lent him money many times over the summer and he disappeared for days after, and I'm down to a low amount of money because I'm not dancing anymore...esp since he said he didn't like it and that's why he disappeared all summer. He gets upset and says he'll have to visit friends all night I break down at the end of the convo offering money but he talks over me and hangs up. He doesn't come home that night...he doesn't come home three days....so i go back to my mothers out of state....he admits he saw another friend he slept with and convinced to give him money.
I am furious. He doesn't seem to care at all when just a few days before we got a marriage application ready to sign when we make it official a few months later and he said he wanted me to have his child.

I told him I understand he has no family to turn to like me in emergency money situations and the last day to pay rent was the day after his car glass was broken and he uses his car for work, but it's not acceptable to just sleep with exes and get money from them when he has a fiance...that we could have found another way to get the money for rent together.
I told him I dont want to see him again unless it's in therapy.
He said sorry once in text, has not called once, and only texts me. He said that he feels bad I'm affected so much by his actions. Other than that, not much accountability.

We are now trying to work it out. I moved back and live in my own place.
Everytime we have sex without an official title i argue, yell and cry after sex fearing he won't follow through with seeing me, because he uses my arguing before the sex as a reason not to see me when he promised or even call me, even though before the sex he promises he won't hold my arguing against me. He changes his mind after the sex. This sends me into a complete breakdown where I text repeatedly...sometimes hundreds of times. I feel my soul is taken away after we have sex. He says the sex means a lot to him too, then why does he flip a switch after and blame me for arguing before the sex as a reason to cancel plans and not call after sex??
He insists on unprotected sex because I'm on the pill and we did it in the past. I don't like this. I told him he cheated for money and until I trust him i dont want it that way or at all. He said because he told me about the cheating and it was for money it's not really cheating and I should trust him...he didn't hide it. He has a phone pin on his phone and wouldnt give it to me. When i broke up with him in dec, he saw a girl immediately after so I'm afraid he's still seeing people and that's why he won't give me the pin. He says I'll get the pin when we are sure we're getting married and I yelled and didn't ask nicely so i can't have it now. I yelled because I'm afraid, I black out now after all I've been through and have yelled hours. I know it's not good at all. I apologize a lot for it.
He says If i don't trust him not to bother with him. He said he can call and see me...that's how hell prove I can trust him....not giving me the phone pin....

I feel like I should give up, i definitely dont want sex and he says if i don't do it, then I can't tell him not to see girls. But then how would we build trust???? Why can't he see that I just don't want sex for now so we can build trust and that seeing girls because he's not getting sex will only hurt trust??

He said if i don't want to trust him to date other guys...then says he wants to marry me and have a baby....I don't get it.

Hello Anne19: OMG... This guy is a train wreck looking for a place to happen! My recommendation is... don't be the location! Put as much distance between you & him as possible as quickly as possible & don't look back.

I know u are right. I guess I just blame my borderline traits on all of this, if i hadn't raged or yelled or threw things, he would have been more open and honest. He doesn't even need to shift blame, i take it all.

I know it takes two. But I blame myself almost entirely. The problems didn't start to get worse until after a few rages at him.

He is all too happy to not show he's that sorry and to place blame on me.

I wish I could have been calmer, maybe then he wouldn't have used money as an excuse to cheat and would have been more open. I keep feeling that way.