[JessLynn]

So I've been dealing with two things for a long time: EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified/atypical anorexia), and BPD. I go back and forth between periods of restricting my food and losing a lot of weight, then bingeing for months and gaining it all back plus MORE. So then I reach a point where I can't push myself anymore because every minute of every day I feel like I'm wearing a fat suit and I can't take it anymore, I'm trapped in this body that isn't mine. So OF COURSE I restrict again...

****in' hate this circle, guys. Anyway, I'm just stressed out to the max and I feel like self sabotaging every way I know how and I HATE that it's called self sabotage because it sounds like a choice. I guess I just needed a place to rant.

[subtle lights]

I don't think self sabotage is a choice either. It comes from a lot of pain...
Sorry you are going through this

I've been using food as an emotional "supplement" ever since I remember. I usually lose control over it, but then I stop because I'm having stomach-issues, and I can feel it quite strongly. I used to have bulimia but besides a couple of relapses this year I'm over that now. Hopefully.

[JessLynn]

Originally Posted by subtle lights

I don't think self sabotage is a choice either. It comes from a lot of pain...
Sorry you are going through this

I've been using food as an emotional "supplement" ever since I remember. I usually lose control over it, but then I stop because I'm having stomach-issues, and I can feel it quite strongly. I used to have bulimia but besides a couple of relapses this year I'm over that now. Hopefully.

I'm glad to hear you seem to have beat bulimia! That's awesome

I think I'm losing control again. I keep fighting and pulling myself out of the hole and then falling right back into it again. ****.