[jean17]

I have such a terrific fear of others that I feel frozen in that I am scared to do most anything. I try to stay alone and not get involved with anyone or anything.

Now someone is asking me to help her clean, re-arrange, & decorate, our Church. I accidentally got caught up with one project and now she is pressuring me into another.

I don't know how to say 'No" without hurting her. What to do? How to do it?

Any thoughts? Experiences? Suggestions?

[cjs2019oneida]

Originally Posted by jean17

I have such a terrific fear of others that I feel frozen in that I am scared to do most anything. I try to stay alone and not get involved with anyone or anything.

Now someone is asking me to help her clean, re-arrange, & decorate, our Church. I accidentally got caught up with one project and now she is pressuring me into another.

I don't know how to say 'No" without hurting her. What to do? How to do it?

Any thoughts? Experiences? Suggestions?

It's hard man, sometimes I feel like klonopin is the only med to help overcome those situations of fear and anxiety but I'm trying to look into things, it's so hard on me too

[Pastel Kitten]

I have a hard time saying no to people for fear of hurting them as well. It's always been a huge struggle of mine.

In DBT it talks about asking yourself whether or not you are capable of giving the person what he/she is asking of you (not just physically capable, but emotionally capable).

If you feel you're not capable (only you can decide this) then you can politely decline, regardless of how she feels about it.

DBT also mentions that the feeling of guilt is not justified unless you are breaking your own moral code, which varies from person to person,

so that's another thing you can ask yourself when you're in a situation like this.